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Ted says he always knew his sexuality was complicated for him, calling it "the internal war inside of me." Because of the complex nature of his feelings and his position with his church, Ted says he sought counsel from spiritual leaders, some of whom said he should further immerse himself in church work. "I kept trying to deal with it within spiritual circles, and that didn't work out," he says.

Ted says it was only during therapy after the scandal that he came to terms with his sexuality. He says a therapist has described his sexuality as "heterosexual with homosexual attachments." While he can't speak for others, Ted says he feels that while he's not gay, he also does not fit into "the normal boxes" people use to define sexuality.

In addition to confronting his sexuality, Ted says therapy also helped him address sexual abuse he says he suffered as a child. "I never saw it as abuse," he says. "And then in therapy I told them about how in the 6th grade I was still wetting the bed and they said, 'Oh. There is something there.'"

Ted says his work in therapy for both the sex scandal and his childhood abuse helped him come to peace with who he is. And while he says he still has sexual thoughts about men, he no longer feels compelled to act on them.
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FROM: Evangelist Ted Haggard, His Wife and the Gay Sex Scandal
Published on June 30, 2009

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