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Diana says her depression spiraled out of control when her husband went out of town for three weeks on business. "One night I had this vivid picture of my daughter being stabbed in the fontanel with a knife," Diana says. "And every time I went into the kitchen I panicked and I had to avoid my kitchen. And I buried my knives in the backyard and anything that was sharp. And I sat and I locked myself in the garage and cried.

"And then I started with my own feelings of jumping from tall buildings. My office had an atrium staircase and the thought would come, 'You could just jump.' And I'd think, again, '[It's] only four stories—not going to do any good.' … It's always, 'Where is this thought coming from?' I would never, ever do this to my child. My child means everything in the world to me.

"I remember talking to my girlfriend and I said, 'Something is really wrong.' She said, 'You need to call your doctor.' And I said, 'Yeah, I probably do'—but there's that stigma with mental illness."
FROM: When a Mother Secretly Thinks About Killing Her Children
Published on July 11, 2005


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