"That's probably the easiest question so far," he said. "Learning to tolerate pain, and learning to manage emotions that don't feel good."
Zeke's observation made Tara and Oprah see abuse as a response to pain—a response that is socially unacceptable and therefore often misunderstood. "This was a way for us to see it in a new light and maybe reach out to batterers in that way and show them in a different light," says Tara. "I remember when we left. We were both like, 'Wow. We never thought of it that way.'"