Jim and Gary
PAGE 3
Daisy and Kris' dad, Jim, also meets with Gary. During their session, Jim admits he carries guilt about the divorce. "I've got a feeling there's a lot of stuff built up inside 'em," Jim says. "It bothers me a lot. I would hate to be in their shoes, growing up without a mom."

Jim says he sees the effects of not having a mother on his children, especially Daisy. "It's the things that she's going through, the changes, the answers that I don't have for her," he says.

Gary says Jim doesn't have to always have the right answer. "All you want to do is think, 'How is he or she feeling right now?' And just let them know, 'Wow, it seems like you're kind of sad about this,'" he says. "We can always say to our kid, 'That's a problem. Let's find somebody to talk to about it together. Let's research it.'"

Gary also says Jim—and other parents going through a divorce—don't have to feel guilty. Instead, they should have an ongoing conversation about how they're feeling, no matter how emotional it may get. "When a kid is crying and they're in your arms and you're talking to them, that's not the problem," he says. "It's when they fall asleep every night and consistently crying and you don't know about it, that's the problem. So every year, every two years, every month, whatever it takes to cry, that's okay. Like when we're adults. You have a good cry, what happens? You go on. You feel lighter."

Above all, Gary says children just want to be heard. "If you listen and you hear and love that kid, you are enough," Gary says. "You and every single parent out there—you are enough to set your child up for love for the rest of their lives."


FROM: Oprah's Most Memorable Guests: The Ultimate Reunion
Published on May 19, 2011

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