Even if you hang out at the golf course and get dolled up to go grocery shopping, Kathy Freston, author of The One , says you won't find your soul mate unless you look inside yourself.
Kathy says she dated alcoholics and bar brawlers for years. Then, after being involved in an abusive relationship, she says she realized it was time to work on herself and take back the power.
"Something in me agreed with what [the abusive boyfriend] was saying about me. Something in me wanted to do that dance. So I knew if I wanted to stop doing that dance, I had to shift the energy inside of me," she says. "That's exactly what happened. I was no longer attracted to that darkness, to that negativity. I became someone who was happy, who was light, who was kind, and I respected myself."
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After Kathy's realization, she was set up on a blind date with Tom Freston, the former CEO of Viacom. They were married in 1998. "When I saw my husband from across the room, he was happy. … There was a good energy around him," she says. "A few years earlier, I wouldn't have been attracted to that. I wouldn't have even seen him, and he certainly wouldn't have noticed me because we were at different places. … Energy is like water. It seeks its own level. So when I had brought my energy up after all the work I did on myself, we were able to meet and we resonated."
Kathy says there's a soul mate out there for everyone and there's one thing you can do to find him or her. "Find peace with yourself," she says. "Wherever you are, whoever you are right now, learn to love it. Accept it."