This doesn't mean you need to go out and manufacture a crisis. There are simpler ways to become happy. After talking with a lot of experts, we came up with a short list of the ingredients required for a happy married life.

The first is to realize that happiness isn't something somebody else provides for you, it's something you make for yourself. Happiness starts inside. An unhappy person with a great husband, great kids, a great house, and a great job is still an unhappy person.

The second ingredient is to realize that you and your husband may have different priorities, and that's OK. Willard Harley Jr., author of His Needs, Her Needs, asked husbands and wives to rank the importance of ten emotional needs: Admiration, Affection, Conversation, Domestic Support, Family Commitment, Financial Support, Honesty, Openness, Physical Attractiveness, Recreational Companionship, and Sexual Fulfillment. Guess what he found? "Nearly every time I asked couples to list their needs according to their priority, men listed them one way and women the opposite way. Of the ten basic emotional needs, the five listed as most important by men were usually the five least important for women, and vice versa." It's not intentional; it's just that we're coming from different places. We're trying to do things for our spouse that we know would make us happy. But our spouses might not appreciate the same things at all.

FROM: Secret Lives of Moms
Published on March 11, 2009


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