Nikki, a teen model and former captain of her soccer team, says she's been in terrible pain for years because of her distorted self-image. "I've never thought I was good enough," she says. "I look in the mirror and want to vomit. My nose is too big, I hate my eyebrows, I hate my lips. I hate my legs the most—I call them tree trunks all the time and just pinch them. [I have] too much hair on my arms. I never give myself a break."
Nikki's self-hatred has grown violent in recent years. She says she's found pleasure in breaking mirrors and destroying pictures of herself. "[It] made me smile to see myself shatter," she says. Nikki also has cut herself and attempted suicide.
"I've prayed and prayed to God to let me see myself the way it seems other people see me," she says, "so for one second I can feel like I'm worth something [and] I'm not this hideous beast that I see every day."