J.L. also maintains that their relationship was not a lie. "The desire was there," he says. "The bad part of what I did, I think, was the cheating, and I wish now I had sat down with her and could have said to her: 'Brenda, I am dealing with these desires. I need you to help me either get past them, or you and I need to work through them or I need to leave.'"
Brenda agrees. "We had pillow talk, and we would talk into the wee hours of the night about everything," she says. "And for him not to share that with me and see if maybe we could work through it—whatever would work for us—that was hurtful."