Lisa and Alistair discuss communication issues.

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Members of Lisa and Alistair's community may think of them as the "it" couple, but behind closed doors, this couple says they are dealing with major communication issues. Lisa describes her marriage as "lifeless" and "resentful," while her husband of 12 years says their relationship is "boring" and "unfulfilling."

Lisa says a lot of their marital problems stem from not listening or understanding each other. "Sometimes we'll look at each other like we have two heads or something, like, 'Where are you coming from?'" she says. "I think I'm just asking for basic communication. We're definitely in a rut."

When Alistair disagrees with his wife, he says he voices his opinion once, but Lisa repeats her stance over and over. "I'm not one to argue," he says. "I think a lot of times she wants me to say, 'Okay, you're completely right,' and if I don't feel that way, I'll be, like, 'Whatever.'"

By walking away from unresolved arguments, Gary says Alistair has created a power struggle within his relationship. It's best to talk it out so that lingering feelings of animosity don't fester and cause future arguments. "If you walk away because there's nothing more you can contribute, your love is there and clear, you're not attached to the outcome," Gary says. "You can come back and try to extend yourself in love at another time."

Gary says couples must have good intentions if they want to achieve spiritual partnerships. "You can't be loving while you're judging," he says. "You can't be loving while you're criticizing. You can't be loving while you're blaming. ... In a spiritual partnership, your commitment is not to the relationship. Your commitment is to your own spiritual growth because [that's] how you can create the relationship that you want."
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FROM: What Five Words Describe Your Marriage?
Published on January 24, 2007

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