Now that they've introduced sex back into their lives, Doug says they are scheduling for it so they don't fall back into old patterns. "I really found that knowing that it was scheduled, I was really looking forward to it."
Many couples worry that scheduling sex takes the romantic spontaneity out of it, but Dr. Berman says it's necessary. "It's a mind shift that you have to make because our instinct, our belief and the way we've been socialized, is that sex is supposed to happen spontaneously," she says. "But in most of our lives, our crazy, busy, kid-ridden, mortgage-ridden lives, if you wait for it to happen spontaneously, it's not going to happen."