Sir says religion helped him to stop abusing.
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Luckily, Christy survived the abuse. "By the grace of God, reality would come back to me as the rage would decrease," Sir says. "I look back now and I can see that at that time, when the rage would come, it was like tunnel vision. I would try and express my anger and my disappointment the only way I knew how. And that was through abuse."

Eventually, Christy left Sir and gave him an ultimatum—either they would include Christ in their marriage or she would not return to Sir. "I went home and gave my life to Christ," Sir says. "With that [freedom] came the relationship with my wife. It was so much better."

Sir says it's been about two years since he last hit Christy. "If one of our arguments were to progress and continue to escalate, instead of adrenaline, it's knots," he says. "I'll have knots in my stomach, and I'll say, 'Okay, we have to stop talking.' That allows me to step aside and pray and calm down."

Christy says that if Sir were to ever hit her again, she would leave. "He has full knowledge of what he needs to be doing as a man and a father and a husband," she says. "If he's not owning up to those responsibilities, then I'm better than that, and my kids deserve better than that."

Though Sir says the abuse has stopped, he admits it's an everyday struggle. "If I ever think I have it under control, I'm in trouble," he says.

FROM: Oprah Talks to Men Who've Beaten Women
Published on March 19, 2009

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