"You need to know: Who? Why? The basic, where it happened? Do you love her? Is it over?
"The answer to 'Is is over?' really has to be 'Yes.' The person [having the affair], a man or a woman, has to give up that other person. As you hear, it can be very difficult. I hope this is a warning, to some degree, to people who are even thinking about having an affair, because there is a myth out there that some people believe it will spice up their relationship. They think that it will actually help their marriage when they are feeling bored. But it never, never works that way. And so you need to end it and, unfortunately, sometimes that means you get hurt. And that other person who is involved gets hurt."
To help the healing process, Dr. Saltz says you should only know the basic details of your spouses' affair. If you know too little or too much, your fantasies will run away. "I recommend against getting the gory details. That's not good. What that does is basically create new memory trauma. Recovering from this is almost like recovering from post traumatic stress disorder. It's a traumatic event."