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The reason that Andrea pulled so far away from her friend Kathleen is because of the level of humiliation she felt. "I've always been such a proud person. I've always been such an on-top-of-it kind of person," Andrea says. "When my ex-fiancé and I were happy, we came to New York and we took Kathleen to dinner. For her to see me after such an embarrassing situation was just too hard."

"You're swallowing poison every time you say that [you were humiliated]. You're still thinking that somehow you did something," Dr. Robin says. "It's one thing to say, 'I'm sorry that I forgot how much you loved me. I'm sorry that I forgot how much I loved you. I'm sorry that I let a liar get between us.' But that's so different than saying, 'I'm the loser.' Because it's not you, it's the lie and him and other parts of your story that got between the two of you."

Dr. Robin continues, "I'd rather you say to her something like, 'I'm sorry that I forgot how special our union was and that I let anybody—but particularly that loser—get in the way.'"
FROM: Have You Let Yourself Go?
Published on October 31, 2005


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