The third lesson is that some abusers are so conniving, they are able to manipulate their victims and make the molestation feel good. "That confuses the child into blaming themselves when it's never the victim's fault," Oprah says.
According to these men, the "grooming" process starts early, and at first, it's subtle.
"How I initiated my grooming process is I would listen to her, and then I would listen to her with my hand on her shoulder," David says. "Then we would cuddle on the couch together, and then [I was] priming her for me to be physically intimate with her."
Darren says he gave his daughter back and foot rubs so she'd get used to being physically touched by him before he started touching her sexually. "It kind of creates a bond," he says. "I knew it was wrong, but I justified it in my own mind by saying it was a special thing between us, and I wasn't hurting her."
Even though Lee was in his 60s when he molested a 5-year-old, he says he truly believed he was giving her physical pleasure.
"You didn't think that you were a disgusting old man?" Oprah asks.
"At the time after it got started, yes," Lee says. "After I started it, to me it was just too late to stop."