Oprah: Malika, when you were released he was still alive. Did you want to say something to him? Was there something you wanted to say?
Malika Oufkir: Yes. Maybe I think I told him everything I want to tell him through the book. The first thing—the most important thing—it's to tell him the truth, because nobody in his life was allowed to tell him really who he was. And the second thing maybe the only question, why?
Oprah: Why. But there would be no answer that would justifyà
Okay, Malika told us something after the Book Club taping. You know, when the cameras had stopped taping and we had dinner. It's one of the women who's husband was also a Moroccan asked the questions... whether or not the king had some kind of revenge toward your mother. That he seemed —that the king seemed as revengeful toward your mother as he might have been toward your father. And you shared with us that he did—that he had told her at one time he would avenge her. Pretty amazing.
Audience Question: I would really like to know... if this has been healing for you—sharing your story with all of us?
Malika Oufkir: I cannot say it has been only a good experience. It's like... maybe you never have to experience this. When you have to die and then you realize you are reborn. What I feel now it's impossible to describe because what I feel now it's like the end of a nightmare for me when you have to dieà It's not only happiness, it's like a miracle in my life because to realize that I'm here with you and I have the big chance to meet this woman and really I have no words to speak about this woman...
Audience Member: I am stunned by your resilience. Are you getting help to deal with the long term effects of trauma?
Malika Oufkir: You cannot forget easily when you are used to suffer. We are strong and sometimes I think maybe we are too fragile. Life hurts us. We have lost 20 years but we try to manage a normal life. But we have some many respect for food... It's like a religious moment. We used to be hungry and now it's like we eat every minute, every day. But you can not eat... I waiting to feel really hungry before eating. I can't eat in a restaurant because the people are talking and laughing and there is a whole plate of food.
Audience Member: Have you tried counseling?
Malika Oufkir: We have no support. I tried twice to see psychiatrist, but it's too strong. Yes, the book was a kind of therapy.
Audience Member: Are your brothers and sisters... how did they feel about you telling the story? Did you consult them to write the book? I mean, was it okay with them to write the book and that you were the spokesperson for all of them?
Malika Oufkir: When I wrote the book, I didn't tell them that I was going to write the book. I gave them the book when the book was finished and they had two reactions. The first one, they were so shocked by the reality of their life you know because everyone was trying to... not to forget... but trying to have another life, to reborn. And you realize when you read two words that it's your life. It's terrible to realize that. And the second reaction was... they reproach me. "Why you didn't tell the reality?" And I tried to explain them that finally you have sometimes you cannot found the right words for telling the reality of suffering...