Iyanla Vanzant says you can often trace a pattern of betrayal in your life back to childhood—a divorce or parents who didn't do what they said they would. You learned it there. Can you recall a betrayal by one of your parents? What happened?
Start logging how often you find yourself talking about somebody else and pointing your finger. How many times in one day?
By keeping track and being conscious of how often you disparage others, you'll see that you really don't have the time, energy or inclination to be engaged in other people's stuff. You will realize your journey is all you can really handle.
Ask yourself why you're talking about other women. Is it that it's easier to see in someone else what you cannot see in yourself? How would you describe your self-worth?
Friends that have betrayed or lied to you may need to be let go. If you're wondering about such a relationship, ask yourself: Why did I attract this person to me? What is this person reflecting back to me about myself?
If you decide a friendship is worth keeping, what are you willing to do to rebuild, restore, renew the relationship?
Printed from Oprah.com on Saturday, December 7, 2013