You were probably skulking around the eBookstore mumbling to yourself: "My dating life's a mess. I sure wish I had some guidelines for dating more successfully." Well today's your lucky day, so buck up, sugarpot, because that's exactly what we have for you! Super Extraordinary Guidelines for Ultra-Successful Winner Dating ™. Dating has become a confusing mess for most single folks out in the world, and quite honestly, it shouldn't be. Dating was one of the most well-structured, well-thought-out things that our generation inherited. How we managed to f*** that one up is a mystery. In our natural evolution as humans and as we've become a more liberal society, we've rid ourselves of ideas or thought processes that don't work, like no premarital sex, the inability of women to vote, etc. ... Certainly there are formalities and expected behaviors that do need updating and revising to keep up with the contemporary times, but dating, as it turns out, may not have been one that needed much. The radical revision of dating that followed the sexual revolution and its continual morphing that has come with the advances in communication technology and social networking has turned dating into a blur of booty calls, ambiguous hanging out and "window-shopping" your Facebook photos, then making assumptions about who someone is rather than getting to know them. And the result is a lot of unhappy and unclear people that are in complete disharmony with their romantic universe.
What women are craving is the clarity that the formality of dating would provide for them. Think about the collective sigh of relief from just the knowledge alone that when you're asked out that you're actually on a date instead of spending the entire time trying to figure out if you're on a date, just hanging out as friends or being sized up as a candidate for casual sex. DATING IS SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER, so if you want it to change, if you want to take control of your dating life, you have to take it upon yourself to be very serious about and completely committed to HOW you date. You have to have a set of standards that you live and date by without exception. Which means FORMULATING A DATING STRATEGY and INSTITUTING DATING POLICY for yourself, then sticking to it. It sounds ridiculous but it's not. In fact, had you done it earlier you might be in a very different place with your love life and been able to save that $4.99 (or whatever this book costs) you spent on this fantastic piece of literature, put it into a high-yielding mutual fund and turned it into at least a billion dollars by the time you retire. (These numbers are guesstimations made by two book writers that have no experience or financial expertise and cannot be held accountable for the way you spend your money.)
We know the word strategy in relation to dating can sound like an underhanded manipulation of another person, and that is NOT at all what we're talking about. Strategy, in the dictionary, is defined as: 1.The science or art of planning or conducting a war or military campaign. (Nope!) 2. Carefully devised plan of action to achieve a goal or the art of developing or carrying out such a plan. (Wrong again!) 3. An evolutionary theory, a behavior structure, or other adaptation that improves viability. (AHA! Bingo! Now we're talking!)
There's an element of strategy in everything that we do in life, and there's nothing wrong with that. There are choices, actions and consequences. That's what everything in life is and dating is no exception. Like the time you agreed to let the drummer for "Mighty Lemon Phillipshead" come up for a nightcap—that's a choice. Then you woke up the next morning to find him in your roommate's bed—that's a consequence. To be fair, it was dark in your apartment but still ... No, no, no, that's just another excuse you make to cover for making bad choices. The truth is you actually liked him and hoped to go out on a second date and had you said goodnight at the front door you might've had a chance. So let's embrace the idea of creating a strategy for dating and your life so that the choices you make are better. As they say in that popular book that features that guy Jesus, "Faith without works is dead." Meaning you can believe you want a better dating life but unless you're willing to do the work, nothing will change. "Wow, you got all serious on me. I didn't think Jesus went on dates." Well now you know why people got so mad about The DaVinci Code. But let's get back to you ...
If your experiences are anything like the throngs of emails and letters we get complaining about the state of dating, then you know that for most men you encounter, dating is something they only have to do if they can't get away with hanging out under less formal circumstances (or they can't get you to fool around with them at the bar). It's probably the single most frustrating thing we hear about in all of our varied "what's the deal with men?" conversations. The deal is that THEY FOLLOW YOUR LEAD. That means if you give them the easy way out, they'll take it.
It's important to recognize that while you can change the way a man dresses, you can't change the way he approaches dating. You can only inspire him to want to change that for himself so that he gets to spend time with you. THE THING YOU DETERMINE IS THE VALUE OF YOUR TIME, THE VALUE OF YOUR COMPANY AND HOW YOU DATE. Those are the only things you are in complete control of, but that's enough to turn the tide. Think about it ... IT'S ONLY WHEN YOU SET THE VALUE OF YOUR TIME LOW AND YOU AGREE TO NON-DATES THAT THEY CAN EXIST FOR YOU. However, if you maintain a high standard for how you date and you don't accept the premise of quasi dating, non-dating and hanging out, then you leave him with only two choices: to ask you out on a proper date or to do without your company. And if he chooses the latter then you're better off anyway, because getting to spend time with you is a gigantic prize, and that guy only wanted to have sex with you because you're hot.
People need to start Dating again and not participate in Non-Dating if they want to find a real relationship rather than someone to have confusing sex with. "But how do I date amongst all the confusing confusion of dating?" We're glad you asked, because there is a definite right and wrong way to date, and if you want to get good results you have to start dating smarter and better. There's a reason why you're not having success: it's because what you're doing isn't working for you. It's time to change up your game. "But I don't like playing games. Dating shouldn't be about game playing." Yeah, yeah ... We've heard it. The reality is that there is a game to be played when dating and it's called RESTRAINT. Quite frankly, when you reject that idea, you yourself are playing your own game. It's a game of refusing to look at human nature and the things you already know about friendships, work, eating and every other thing in life, where you take the time to responsibly think to yourself: "I need to do this right. There's an order in which everything happens. If I mess with the order the whole thing will fall apart." Why would you single out dating as the place to say, "Ah, f*** the order! I'm not going in order. I'm going to just tell them now that I love them, blow them in the bathroom or whatever impulsive thing that you know you shouldn't do, because that will either make him want to be with me more or bail, but at least I'll know now!" It makes no sense. You don't walk into a job interview and ask where your desk is. You don't make a new friend then, after week one, tattoo their name on your neck. You don't eat shitty all week and wonder why your pants don't fit. Do you see where we're going with this? There's an order to things and dating is no exception.
So what we've devised is a set of guidelines, or rather Super Extraordinary Guidelines for Ultra-Successful Winner Dating ™. These are the key to turning your dating life around and setting the new standard for HOW you date. Like we stated earlier, you get to determine the value of your time, the value of your company and most importantly how you date and how you absolutely DO NOT date. Grab a fork and dig in, sister, because you've got some dating to do!
Here's a preview of what dazzling principles you're going to have drilled into that pretty little head of yours.
The 8 Super Extraordinary Principles for Ultra-Successful Winner Dating ™
Like yourself and know you're worthy
Start with giving your thighs a break. Why can't you just like them for once after all these years they've supported you?
Get a life, have a life ...
... and don't throw it away when every Tom, Dick and Agnes comes along.
Pretty is as pretty does
Get real about what you're putting out into the world.
Don't accept less than an actual date
Seriously. Stop hooking up with bozos when you're drunk.
Don't freak people out with your need
Crazy + Sexy doesn't always = Cool
Doormats finish last and end up in the dirt
Having some standards and ditching the deal breakers
Don't show the movie before the trailer
Making sex an event, not a given
Not every date is going to turn into a relationship
And a worthwhile one is a marathon, not a sprint
Here's the Deal ...
It's Just a F***ing Date! It's a philosophy and an attitude all rolled up into one great big package. It's the difference between expecting something to happen and being surprised when it does. It's letting go of the whole process but not letting go of you. There are things in life you can change—your weight, your appearance, your mindset, etc. —but there is one thing you cannot change and that is other people. Try as we might we cannot get people to love us. Even when we are the coolest best version of ourselves someone is going to say, "Not for me." But if we feel good about ourselves we can shrug it off and say, "It's just a f***ing date," and know that there will be others.
When you really want something and you're doing everything you can to make it happen and it's not coming to fruition you have to let go of the result and do the work anyway. You can't live inside of a result because it will always disappoint. But if you work towards the goal and let go of the result then you'll not only get what you wanted, but will probably get something that's better and different than how you had imagined it. That's how life works. Life comes in a different package than you expect it to. The same goes for dating. You need to show up and see what happens. Well now, that doesn't sound so hard but in fact it is.
This book is going to demand two things from you that may seem to conflict. We are going to ask that you be vigilant in your attempts to better yourself AND not take dating so damn seriously. "So does that mean I have to get all dressed up and try even if I'm not supposed to care about what happens?" Exactly. And you'll be a better person for it.
So pull it together, woman, and let's get ready to date!