Do you spoil your children? Do you let your spouse give you the silent treatment? No matter how much you love somebody, if you don't set up boundaries within the relationship, Dr. Robin says you will end up a victim. "When you indulge someone in poor behavior, in ways in which disrespecting you and not honoring you is actually permitted and you accept it, that sends the wrong message—as if it is okay," she says.
As a child, Dr. Robin says her parents let her get away with too much and set few boundaries. "There were a lot of ways in which we were permitted to do things and have privileges that we didn't really earn," she says. While her parents loved her deeply, Dr. Robin says they ignored a necessary element of loving their children. "Part of the equation always with love is that boundaries show up compassionately and with accountability," she says. "Love—as grand and as great and as healing as it—requires boundaries."
Dr. Robin says you should set boundaries in all your relationships, including the relationship you have with yourself. "Anytime someone is really living their best life, I can guarantee that there is not just discipline—there are all kinds of healthy boundaries about how they live," she says.