Although you may have promised yourself you wouldn't turn into your mother or father, as you get older, you may discover that so much of who your parents are is a part of you, Rabbi Shmuley says. He talks about how that might extend to being attracted to people who are similar to your parents and why you shouldn't compare your relationship with that of your parents.
It makes sense that you may gravitate toward a mate that reminds you of those with whom you're most familiar, Rabbi Shmuley says. This especially happens with women who have a close relationship with their fathers, he says. "If you're close with your parents, think about how that relationship influences who you pick to date," he says.
Picking a spouse can be difficult because there are so many subjective things involved, Rabbi Shmuley says. "For many, it's such an important decision that it's hard to think rationally, so we fall back on what we know—our parents' marriage," he says. "We judge people we are dating by that standard." Be your own person, and try to judge relationships objectively, without bringing your parents and their relationships into that process, he says.
"Marrying the right person involves a subjective criteria of attraction and the objective criteria of knowing whether or not that person has good character. While parents should be consulted, they should not always be used as the model for your relationship."