Get a sex book so things don't fester or worry you or puzzle you or elude you. Get a book so that you don't have to go through a long, dull, shaming patch in which neither of you can express your desires...or your dislikes.
And if you can't bring yourself to go into your local bookstore and meet a stranger's gaze while buying a sex book, be glad you live in this great country of ours. You can find it online.
Amy Bloom's most recent book is Normal: Transsexual CEOs, Crossdressing Cops, and Hermaphrodites with Attitude (Random House).