Q: I married my husband, a widower, three years ago, and he just told me that he wants to be buried with his first wife (of 30 years) and that I could be "nearby" within the family plot. This bothers me. But in this era of multiple marriages, what's the protocol?
A: "The protocol is the same as for all complex dilemmas involving love and loss: Use empathy, be understanding, and be kind. He has been married to two women he loved but has only one body to bury. You have him while he's alive; why not be grateful for that?"
— Jack Marshall, president, ProEthics
"As a 75-year-old friend of mine once said, 'Whoever dies last makes the decision.'"
— Rudy Rasmus, pastor, St. John's United Methodist Church, Houston
From the October 2008 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
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