How to Train Your Doctor

Jennifer Hudson's Aha! Moment

Oprah.com | From the December 2007 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

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AS A SINGER IN MY CHURCH CHOIR, I learned that in order to sing well, you have to understand the real meaning behind a song. But I never realized the impact lyrics could have on my life until I was shooting Dreamgirls. About six months before I was even cast in the film, I was writing songs that I hoped would someday appear on my first album. One of them was called "Thank You," and the lyrics spoke about the success I believed would come my way. And just half a year later, I found myself listening to that song while filming what would end up being my Academy Award–winning role. In another track called "I Take You Just the Way You Are," I wrote about my boyfriend, James, and the fact that he supported me long before anybody knew who I was, and how our relationship would survive anything. A year later, in an interview for an Oscar-night special, I was saying the same thing to Barbara Walters. She thought my newfound fame might make me want to leave my boyfriend, who works as a maintenance man. Months later, when I listened to that same music, I thought,Wow, I'm living out everything I wrote in those songs. Everything that I had written, all the words I had sung aloud over and over, was becoming realized.
The force of positive thinking is nothing new to me; I've always believed in myself. That's why I try not to sing anything negative or that I don't connect with. As it turns out, the songs on my upcoming album were written by other people, and I had to sing the words they gave me. But even still, I always ask myself, What am I really saying here? When I thought it was necessary, I'd ask if we could rethink the lyrics, because I know the words I'm singing might one day manifest themselves in my own life.
Of course, this is about more than just words; it's the realization that we write our own destinies. I've always wanted to be able to see where my life would take me, and now I understand that I can, because I know there is a direct connection between what I say and what happens to me.
Even though I am extremely blessed to have accomplished many of my goals at such a young age, I am still reaching, still striving. My next step is to create new dreams and sing about those. I can't tell you what they are yet; I'm still making them up. But when you hear them, you'll know I mean them, because I know I'll be living them. —As told to Rachel Bertsche

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The first hurdle for many people is shifting their notion of doctors as benevolent dictators. Your physician is your employee, says Steven Katz, MD, an internist and professor of medicine and health management and policy at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. Expect the same amount of customer service from the doctor's office or hospital as you'd expect from any other business. "Patients should be more demanding of their doctors," says Katz, especially when it comes to their own medical files. "People want banks that offer online access, yet when it comes to medical records—or the ability to e-mail your doctor—people say, 'Gee, I don't want to be a bother.'"

Even if you're healthy and haven't had much experience jousting with your doctor's office, you should assert yourself in small but meaningful ways. For instance, call before your appointment and ask if the doctor is running on time. If she is running late, the appointment is for routine care (say, a Pap smear), and you don't want to wait, reschedule, says Clay. "The only time you should wait to see a physician is in the emergency room."

If, like Doumas, a serious diagnosis thrusts you onto a merry-go-round of appointments, tests, and procedures, there are easy ways to remain in control.

• Don't make hasty treatment decisions. Ask your doctor how long it's medically safe for you to wait before choosing a course of treatment. "The diagnosis of a serious health problem is scary, but it's rarely an emergency," says Katz. As a general rule, he advises against making treatment decisions on the spot. Get details about your diagnosis and treatment and read them at home, at your own pace. Always ask your doctor if she has discussed all the options with you, including what will happen if you do nothing.

• When seeing a new physician, surgeon, or specialist, ask the scheduler how long you'll have with the doctor. The answer will help you prepare for the meeting. For instance, new patient appointments are usually lengthy, allowing you plenty of time to quiz the doctor on the intricacies of your diagnosis and treatment options. But if it's just a ten-minute follow-up, be judicious with your questions, says Clay. "If you can find the answer elsewhere, don't waste your time with the doctor."

• Tell your doctor you'd like to get a second opinion, and watch for hesitation or defensiveness. If he gets mad, fire him, says Clay. "People need to stop being afraid of their doctors. Are you going to cower if your mechanic gets angry with you? No, you're going to get a new mechanic." Doctors in the same locale often have a similar style of care, meaning they may offer the same treatment advice, explains Richard Deyo, MD, professor of family medicine at Oregon Health & Science University in Portland. "Instead of going to one of your doctor's colleagues, travel to a nearby city where they might be more up-to-date."

• Don't ask your doctor what he would do if you were his wife, sister, or mother. This is a bogus question that derails good doctor-patient communication, says Clay. "Chances are, he'll just say whatever he wants to say but frame it in the way you want to hear." If the sheer number of treatment options makes your head spin, ask someone who really knows you—your closest friend, say—to help you map out the pros and cons of each approach.

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• Find out how to reach your doctor between visits. Questions to ask include: What is the very best way to contact you in an emergency? Can I e-mail my questions to you or your staff? What phone number will get me to a person with decision-making capabilities? If your treatment could leave you in considerable pain, you'll want to be sure you can reach the physician in person.

• Ask for a copy of your medical record, including doctor's notes and X-rays. Expect to meet some resistance, says Clay. "Say, 'It's my record, I paid for it, I own it, and I need a copy for my file.'" Be prepared to pay at least a few bucks for copies of X-rays, she says. Better yet, look for a medical practice that keeps electronic records ready for printing, says Katz.

• When surgery is indicated, consider the physician's experience. Like any professional, a surgeon gets better with practice. If the operation is complex yet commonplace, like angioplasty, choose a surgeon who's done hundreds of the procedures, says Katz. If the surgery is so new there aren't hundreds of satisfied customers, try to find a surgeon who has done at least a dozen of the operations.

If you still feel intimidated, let Doumas, a soft-spoken single mom, firm your resolve. "In my heart, I just knew what I needed, and I kept pressing," she says. "You have to be your own advocate."

Catherine Guthrie lives, writes, and teaches yoga in Bloomington, Indiana.

Printed from Oprah.com on Tuesday, June 18, 2013