Even if you're healthy and haven't had much experience jousting with your doctor's office, you should assert yourself in small but meaningful ways. For instance, call before your appointment and ask if the doctor is running on time. If she is running late, the appointment is for routine care (say, a Pap smear), and you don't want to wait, reschedule, says Clay. "The only time you should wait to see a physician is in the emergency room."
If, like Doumas, a serious diagnosis thrusts you onto a merry-go-round of appointments, tests, and procedures, there are easy ways to remain in control.
• Don't make hasty treatment decisions. Ask your doctor how long it's medically safe for you to wait before choosing a course of treatment. "The diagnosis of a serious health problem is scary, but it's rarely an emergency," says Katz. As a general rule, he advises against making treatment decisions on the spot. Get details about your diagnosis and treatment and read them at home, at your own pace. Always ask your doctor if she has discussed all the options with you, including what will happen if you do nothing.
• When seeing a new physician, surgeon, or specialist, ask the scheduler how long you'll have with the doctor. The answer will help you prepare for the meeting. For instance, new patient appointments are usually lengthy, allowing you plenty of time to quiz the doctor on the intricacies of your diagnosis and treatment options. But if it's just a ten-minute follow-up, be judicious with your questions, says Clay. "If you can find the answer elsewhere, don't waste your time with the doctor."
• Tell your doctor you'd like to get a second opinion, and watch for hesitation or defensiveness. If he gets mad, fire him, says Clay. "People need to stop being afraid of their doctors. Are you going to cower if your mechanic gets angry with you? No, you're going to get a new mechanic." Doctors in the same locale often have a similar style of care, meaning they may offer the same treatment advice, explains Richard Deyo, MD, professor of family medicine at Oregon Health & Science University in Portland. "Instead of going to one of your doctor's colleagues, travel to a nearby city where they might be more up-to-date."
• Don't ask your doctor what he would do if you were his wife, sister, or mother. This is a bogus question that derails good doctor-patient communication, says Clay. "Chances are, he'll just say whatever he wants to say but frame it in the way you want to hear." If the sheer number of treatment options makes your head spin, ask someone who really knows you—your closest friend, say—to help you map out the pros and cons of each approach.