- Tell your doctor you'd like to get a second opinion, and watch for hesitation or defensiveness.
If he gets mad, fire him, says Clay. "People need to stop being afraid of their doctors. Are you going to cower if your mechanic gets angry with you? No, you're going to get a new mechanic." Doctors in the same locale often have a similar style of care, meaning they may offer the same treatment advice, explains Richard Deyo, MD, professor of family medicine at Oregon Health & Science University in Portland. "Instead of going to one of your doctor's colleagues, travel to a nearby city where they might be more up-to-date."
- Don't ask your doctor what he would do if you were his wife, sister, or mother.
This is a bogus question that derails good doctor-patient communication, says Clay. "Chances are, he'll just say whatever he wants to say but frame it in the way you want to hear." If the sheer number of treatment options makes your head spin, ask someone who really knows you—your closest friend, say—to help you map out the pros and cons of each approach.
- Find out how to reach your doctor between visits.
Questions to ask include: What is the very best way to contact you in an emergency? Can I e-mail my questions to you or your staff? What phone number will get me to a person with decision-making capabilities? If your treatment could leave you in considerable pain, you'll want to be sure you can reach the physician in person.
- Ask for a copy of your medical record, including doctor's notes and X-rays.
Expect to meet some resistance, says Clay. "Say, 'It's my record, I paid for it, I own it, and I need a copy for my file.'" Be prepared to pay at least a few bucks for copies of X-rays, she says. Better yet, look for a medical practice that keeps electronic records ready for printing, says Katz.
- When surgery is indicated, consider the physician's experience.
Like any professional, a surgeon gets better with practice. If the operation is complex yet commonplace, like angioplasty, choose a surgeon who's done hundreds of the procedures, says Katz. If the surgery is so new there aren't hundreds of satisfied customers, try to find a surgeon who has done at least a dozen of the operations.
If you still feel intimidated, let Doumas, a soft-spoken single mom, firm your resolve. "In my heart, I just knew what I needed, and I kept pressing," she says. "You have to be your own advocate."