Who Matches Up?

Negotiator and Explorer

This is the only type of marriage for whom no particular problems came up in our survey. But there were so few of these couples (only 4 percent), the data might be misleading. I'd venture to say that the Negotiator's traits—enthusiasm, morality, empathy, insight, and imagination—all appeal to the Explorer, who probably also values his or her win-win attitude and interest in the big picture. But the Explorer could easily become impatient with, even cynical about, the Negotiator's spiritual quests and constant desire to delve into the psychological underpinnings of the relationship. And although Negotiators are captivated by the Explorer's impromptu adventures and romantic drama, they may never fully accept their partner's genuine need for autonomy and freedom. In fact, the Negotiator is likely to long for more intimacy. As to how these two might overcome their differences, I can only guess that the Negotiator's deep need for harmony and the Explorer's tolerance—along with their shared flexibility and mutual craving for romance—enable both to sustain their positive illusions about each other.