Who Matches Up?

Builder and Director

This was the most popular combination (25 percent of the couples in our sample), which is interesting because each type brings such different qualities to the relationship. Both share a loyalty to home and family, so the Builder is likely to admire the Director's ingenuity, competence, and workaholism. And the Director, who is less socially skilled, may be particularly drawn to the Builder's charm and ability to provide a social life. In addition, the Director may find the Builder's need to uphold traditions comforting, while the Builder values the Director's decisiveness.

Any friction in this couple is likely to occur around relating to others. Because Directors tend to shy away from routine social commitments, they may feel annoyed by the Builder's drive to nurture extensive networks of companions and colleagues. Conversely, Builders probably find the Director's aloofness frustrating at times. In fact, according to our survey, Builders in these couples were more likely to say their partners "never" or "rarely" satisfied their "deepest psychological needs" (23 percent versus 10 percent for Directors). Diverging interests in sex might also be an issue for this couple. When asked, "Is sex an important part of your marriage?" the Director was more than twice as likely to say "always" (36 percent) as the Builder (15 percent). This isn't surprising considering that Directors express more testosterone, which is associated with sexuality for both genders, and Builders' high levels of serotonin can dampen the sex drive. Even so, when it comes to feeling "in love" with their spouse, Directors are far more likely to say they do (44 percent) than Builders (28 percent); Directors are also the ones to agree, "If I could marry again, I'd marry the same person" (45 percent versus 32 percent). Bottom line, this is a strong pair for raising good citizens of tomorrow.