Q: A friend moved across the country. The problem is she always wants to stay with me when she visits. She doesn't have much money, but I'm in my 40s and feel that the days of having people crash on my couch are over. Am I a jerk?
A: "And what does she bring you as a hostess gift—a package of ramen noodles and a mix tape? You're not a jerk; you're a grown-up. Too bad your friend isn't. Bow out by putting the blame on yourself: 'I wish I could ask you to stay with me, but I've got a lot going on right now and I wouldn't be a good host—I'd be too preoccupied and feel guilty. You deserve a relaxing place to stay.' "
— Faith Salie, host, public radio's Fair Game from PRI with Faith Salie podcast
"You will be a jerk if you end up resenting your friend because you don't have the guts to tell her she can't stay with you anymore. And she'll be a jerk if she doesn't respect your wishes when you do tell her."
— Jack Marshall, president, ProEthics
From the October 2008 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
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