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Adventure July 2002
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VERBAL ABUSE: HOW TO SAVE YOURSELF
How to save yourself from a bad guy: an interview with author Patricia Evans
By Annie Gottlieb

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. How many women think of that schoolyard rhyme while reeling from a partner's put-downs or angry outbursts? The rhyme's a lie, says Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship—the book that helped change Brandy's life. Cruel words can do worse than break bones: They can break your spirit, cripple your confidence, even make you physically ill.

"This can happen to any woman, with any family background or career," she says. "It's happened to psychologists, lawyers, doctors, teachers, Web designers, mommies—even the director of a women's shelter." A woman falls into the trap because the abuse takes her by surprise. "He isn't abusive while he's courting you," Evans says. "But once he gets you, he switches—and you have no idea why."

Why Is This Happening—What to Do?
How can his voice drown out your inner knowing? Patricia Evans explains.
The checklist: seven signs you may be in a verbally abusive relationship

Message Board Are you, or have you ever been, in a verbally abusive relationship? Share with others.

From the July 2002 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine. Subscribe now!