What are don Miguel Ruiz's four agreements?

Two years ago, Ellen DeGeneres picked up a slim volume by an unknown writer named don Miguel Ruiz. He claimed his book, based on wisdom he'd learned from his elders in Mexico, could change lives—and it did, including, in rather short order, his own. So wowed was DeGeneres by The Four Agreements that she recommended it to Oprah on the air.

These days Ruiz lectures nonstop and has a newer book, The Mastery of Love, based on the same Toltec wisdom of the artists and spiritual seekers from ancient Mexico.

It seemed high time for DeGeneres and Ruiz to meet. Late last spring O got them together for a chat in Los Angeles. Here, the Toltec teacher and the comedienne match wits—and trade wisdom.

You Are the Author
Ellen Degeneres: First of all, I want to say what an honor this is for me. I love The Four Agreements so much that it feels like my book. It feels so personal.

Don Miguel Ruiz: We can say it's your book.

ED: Okay, do I get residuals? Do I get any money at all?

DMR: Well, we'd have to give it to everybody because it's everybody's book.

ED: As soon as I read it, I felt that if I applied these four agreements, I really could change my life, and I did start noticing a difference. Why?

DMR: What it changed is the story of your life. Whatever you perceive, you always make a story with yourself as the main character, and that dictates your life. Then when you read The Four Agreements, you hear another voice beneath the story, the voice that comes from your integrity, your spirit. And by hearing that voice, you know how good and how great you are.

The Mission of Life: Be Happy, Be You
DMR: I can tell you that we have only one mission and that is to make ourselves happy. The only way we can be happy is by being who we are. We create our own story, but society also creates its own story. If you know that, whatever they say will not stop you from being what you are. Just by being what you are, other people will change—but you don't do it because you want to change them. You do it to make your heart free.

Who You Are
DMR: When we were children, we didn't know anything. We were like blank computers. Then it's like someone took a program and put it in our head and this is what we call knowledge. We use knowledge to create a personal story. You face life depending on who you believe the main character is, the way you learned to be. Your father tells you that you are this way. Your mother tells you that you are that way. And that's what you become.

Love Because You Can
ED: In the book you talk about making yourself happy, and if someone says they love you, it's not about you, it's about them. Or if they hate you or they leave you, it's not about you.

Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes.

DMR: It's normal that it hurts. If someone cuts your hand, it hurts. But if you don't contaminate the wound with poison, it heals fast. And you know, we can write the most beautiful poetry with a broken heart. We can enjoy a broken heart without indulging it.

Be Impeccable With Your Word
ED: Can we talk about the first agreement, which is to be impeccable with your word? People love gossip. It's the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going.

DMR: Be aware that even if you meant your words as honey, other people can turn what you said into poison. You can let them know they can use their words as honey, too—but that's not the goal. For us to be happy is not dependent on a result but on an action.

ED: That's really important. I think most people live their life for an end result.

DMR: That's why they are never happy. Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will not dance but will gossip about those who are dancing. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes. But life is changing all the time.



More To Do
Read about Ellen's appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show back in 1999.