Who is the breadwinner in your family? In the February 2007 issue of More
magazine, Sandy Hingston writes about her experience as the breadwinner of her family. In "Love and Money," Sandy explains how she and her husband entered marriage as "free spirits": Sandy was a freelance writer, and her musician husband took on gigs here and there. Once they decided to have children, they realized they needed more money and began to take turns as the family breadwinner. Later, when she was offered a job with health benefits, Sandy says she fell into the role permanently. Sandy shares with Jean what she's learned from the experience:
- Keep a balance of power, which often comes with money. Sandy gives a small example: Over the years, she's always put herself in charge of picking the family's vacation spot, something she later learned was unfair to her husband.
- Acknowledge the other person's sacrifices, Sandy says. If one partner stays home with the children, he or she should be credited for that hard work.
- Stop keeping score. Sandy says she was surprised to learn that one of her best friends made 10 times more than her husband—not because of the monetary amounts, but because her friend actually calculated the difference.
- Don't push your standards onto others, Sandy says. You may feel as if your less-ambitious partner is unfulfilled, but it's very likely that he feels just fine.