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As straightforward and logical as it may seem to talk to those who you love from a place of power and honesty, in reality it is probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. Saying no to someone you love is difficult. It is easier to make a mess out of our own financial and personal lives by saying yes all the time than to live with the fear of what the word "no" will do to our relationships. But, as every woman who has fallen into this habit will tell you in hindsight, making money decisions in the hope of saving a relationship always backfires.

If you truly love someone who is in financial trouble, here's what you need to really help:

1. Say No
When you really love someone, you are to say no to their request for a financial bailout. The truth is that your money is not the solution to their problem. Only they have the tools to permanently fix their problem: the intention and determination to pull themselves out of their financial fix.

Saying no is also the most respectful response. For if you were to say yes, the person you give the money to will sooner than later start to lose all sense of self-respect. Moreover, by saying yes you have been disrespectful to yourself—that is your hard-earned money you are giving away to someone you know deep down has yet to learn how to be respectful with money.

Do not fear that they will love you less for saying no. It may take some time and talking to get them to understand where you are coming from, but in the end they will have infinite love for your desire to truly help them find their inner power to bail themselves out of any financial bind.

Repeat this to yourself: "I will say no out of love, versus yes out of fear."

2. Put it in Writing
Your words of love must be put into writing so the person you say no to will have a clear "statement of facts" about why you are saying no. We all know that this can be an emotionally charged time, and sometimes we aren't able to say in conversation what we really mean, or perhaps the person we are talking to is not in the best position to really hear what we are saying. Your contract is the written manifestation of what is in your heart: You explain why you are saying no.

Download a sample contract to give to your loved one. PDF
FROM: What Happened to the Mom Who Shopped Her Family Broke?
Published on July 29, 2009

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