Q: I gave a friend my life savings to put away for me. She has since been laid off and is going through some financial trouble. She has called several people asking to borrow money. I'm afraid she has tapped into my funds. How do I ask for my money back without telling her I know about her financial problems or jeopardizing our friendship?
A: The real question is, why did you give your life savings to someone else to manage? Were you trying to avoid dealing with it? If so, you have just learned one of the most important money lessons: You, and only you, should control what happens to your money. With your financial future on the line, it makes absolutely no sense to push responsibility onto somebody else. You need to find your power and take control of your life.
Even if your friend is a professional whom you hired to help manage your money, that does not mean your finances should be out of sight, out of mind. At the very least you should be receiving a quarterly statement from a legitimate third-party bank, brokerage, or mutual fund where your money is invested. Your panic tells me that hasn't been happening.
You have put your life savings at risk simply because you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings. It is time to summon the courage to be responsible for yourself and your money. There need not be any accusation or apology in your talk with your friend. Simply say you appreciate her willingness to help, but you have turned over a new leaf and are now taking responsibility for your own finances. The fact that your friend was laid off and may be in financial trouble is irrelevant. This is about you gaining control of your future—control you never should have handed off in the first place.