Oprah Winfrey takes me on a tour of her newly designed, 4,500-square-foot Santa Barbara guest house, blissfully unaware that there's a major problem looming in her not-too-distant future. I hate to be the one to break the bad news, but here's the trouble: There is absolutely no possibility that any guest she invites to stay is ever going to leave. Hell, I'm not even a guest and I'm planning to burrow in straight through the spring of 2009.

Browse Oprah's guest house photo album.