I need your help! I'm starting to struggle a bit. I have been doing everything blah, blah, blah, and I'm sure America wants to hear that everything is rosy.
I'm really getting disgusted because I don't feel as I'm losing much weight at all. I didn't weigh myself—I actually threw my scale away with my cookies—but I tried on the pants that I wore the day we taped The Oprah Show and they are still stinkin' skin tight on me. I even popped the button on the waist trying them on. What is up with this, Bob?
I threw away the cookies, I quit drinking the soda, I haven't had ice cream for 22 days and NOTHING. Give me at least a crumb, here! I'm doing the exercise. I thought maybe I was doing it wrong, but how can you walk on a treadmill wrong?
I'm not smoking. Not cigarettes, but I'm ready to smoke crack. JUST KIDDING!
Can you see where I'm coming from? I'm not asking for a complete makeover in 22 days, but I need SOME kind of indication that this is working! And no matter WHAT you say to me, a papaya is not as good as a hot fudge sundae.
I have a confession to make. I have cheated. Twice. Now don't kick me off for that, because it wasn't that much. Last weekend, Joe took me out to dinner, and I ordered all of the right things, lots of vegetables, etc. But I did get a small side order of macaroni-and-cheese. Oh Bob, it was so good. Eating that macaroni-and-cheese was like the second-best feeling in the world. Joe got mad at me because I took so long to eat it. I ate every single elbow macaroni one-at-a-time because I wanted to savor it. Last night, I came home from work late. I am a commission-only salesperson and I thought I had a sale, but it fell through. When I came home, I was upset and I started rummaging through my cupboards and cabinets. Nothing. Nada. Well, I was finally about to give up when I found a jar of strawberry preserves in my refrigerator—way in the back, almost hidden. Well, I got my teaspoon out—you know I am watching my calories—and it said it was 50 calories per teaspoon. Woo hoo!
One problem. As I opened the jar of delicious, sweet, tasty strawberry preserves, I noticed the expiration date. It said, "BEST BY 8-5-05." So now I had a dilemma. Do I eat expired jelly? Well, I looked inside and it smelled okay...and there was no mold...so I ate a teaspoon of it. It tasted so good.
You know, on the show, Oprah and you were telling me about how much pain I have. Now I believe you! I have issues to be excited about eating expired jam! So today it is back on the wagon—three meals, one snack, six waters. I know the whole routine by heart.
Help me out, Bob! Although I do feel better, much more energy, sleeping better, I don't feel skinnier by one ounce. Am I normal? I'm thinking that maybe out of 1 million people who do this program, there will be one that it doesn't work for and that would be me. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that macaroni-and-cheese, but I'm only human. And trust me Bob, there were a lot of fat people in that restaurant eating macaroni-and-cheese. But I don't want to be the fat one eating the macaroni and cheese anymore.
It's like when I joined a weight-loss program where you pay to go get weighed every week. I remember being at my first meeting and they said over the microphone, "Clap, everybody. Sally lost one-quarter of a pound this week." And everybody was going crazy clapping for Sally. At that time I thought, Are you kidding? Personally, I think that they all had issues. I can eat a quarter of a pound in a minute. Is this going to take years for me?
Am I trying too hard? Am I not trying hard enough? I'm looking at the calorie count of a piece of sugarless gum I'm chewing! Please give me some encouragement! I want to live my best life and that's not in size 18 pants!
Help, I need Bob Greene 911!