A few months after we froze the embryos, my gynecologist wanted to check out my uterus and see how my fallopian tubes had fared during surgery. At that moment, we didn't know that I couldn't conceive on my own. We didn't know our future would include more surgeries. We didn't know that my tubes were blocked, that they would need removed later and that they were compromising my fertility. We didn't know, and I wasn't prepared to hear, that the hope of being able to conceive naturally wasn't going to be an option.
You sit in a room with a stranger and you take this test called a hysterogram, where they put a dye in your tubes to see if they are blocked. The stranger says nothing. She looks at you, and you can see that it isn't good news, but she says nothing. Then another stranger walks in and gives you the news you feared your whole life—that you cannot and will not be able to have children naturally.
So there it is: reality. And you still don't believe it. You hear stories often about women who do get pregnant anyway, and you keep believing that will be you, and you keep trying. We knew we had three embryos—or as I called them, "possibility angels"—waiting, giving us comfort and security. So we knew time was still on our side and began planning our wedding.
Knowing now what we know, we should have been planning for an immediate second cycle.
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