Oprah: Now Bob says that the Circle of Life will help you start figuring out what's out of balance in your life and what's at the core of your weight gain. That's what you say. Now I got this interesting e-mail from Linda from Indiana and she said this. I thought this was good, Linda. She says, "I've fallen off so many wagons there should be nothing left of me. I was watching your show last Monday, and I'm sorry, but I didn't get the statement you made." I guess she's talking about you or I. I don't know. "Why does the reason I eat a whole bag of cookies always have to be some deep, dark feeling or loss inside of me? Couldn't it just be I like to eat cookies and have no willpower to stop at two? I'm not thinking I hate myself or my mother as I'm eating the cookies. It's because I like those cookies." This is what Linda is saying in Indiana. "I am a happy person who likes to eat. I enjoy eating out, eating in, fast food, slow food. I know what I should be doing, but I'm lazy." So my question to you, isn't sometimes a cookie just a cookie?
Bob: Well, the first thing I would ask her, I'd like to know, is she struggling with 5 pounds? Is she struggling with 50 pounds? And you might say, "Is there a difference?" There's a big difference.
Bob: If you're eating to the point and you say, "I enjoy food," but you're carrying an extra 40, 50, 60 pounds, there's an issue there. I've been doing this 27 years, and I've never seen that person—
Oprah: Let's see if we can get her on the phone. Let's get Linda on the phone somewhere. Go ahead.
Bob: My other question is to Linda—it would be great to correspond with her. And that is, we know someone that struggles with alcohol is a really good example. If you ask that person, they probably really like alcohol. Or anything. A sex addict, probably if you ask them, "Yes, I really like sex." The food is a very subtle—it's more socially acceptable than those two other addictions.
Bob: And you have to see it every day of your life. So it's very easy to sweep things under the carpet. It's why the Circle of Life is so important. If some area, I can promise you, when I've had a client that says the same thing that Linda's saying?
Bob: There's—and we go through—
Oprah: I used to be you, Linda.
Bob: That's true.
Oprah: I used to say, look, Bob, I just like potato chips and it's all about the potato chips, and obviously I know now that it's not.
Bob: I just did this the other day and the person said, "Okay, look." And I went through the Circle of Life, and they completely left off a romantic relationship of their circle and that was an important point and I said, "That's odd." "That's not important. I have my daughter. I don't have my significant other." Well, A, she didn't put it down there.
Bob: And, B, she was saying how important food was. You can obviously see immediately that that food replaced an intimate relationship. We need that.
Bob: And so when you start breaking it down, the people who claim, "Oh, I just like food." If you like it to the point where you're carrying extra weight and you're significantly impacting your health, that's not just you like food. There's an issue behind that. I can promise you.
Oprah: Okay. So let's go to this issue that—actually I write about this in the March issue of O magazine, where you and I have been arguing for years and—about this whole issue of worthiness. I'm going to get to some Skypers here in a moment. But I'm wondering whether or not this also, Linda from Indiana, falls under that category of worthiness. And Bob and I for years, you all, have been arguing about—and we argue very well. This is one person I argue with.
Bob: It's a very graceful argument.
Oprah: Yeah, I mean—
Bob: In most cases.
Oprah: In most cases. A couple times I've walked out. But anyway, you were saying to me for years that this is an issue of worthiness for me, and actually you had said it last Monday and I took this out of the tape because I didn't want that whole thing be: "Oprah doesn't feel that she's worthy."
Oprah: Because I really do feel, as I've said to you many times, that I really do—I am not one of those people who thinks that because—that I haven't earned my success and that I don't deserve it. I had a epiphany, though.
Oprah: Go ahead.
Bob: Well, I was going to say I think you were right for taking it out because we couldn't elaborate on that, and many people would have taken that that you—that you—
Oprah: I don't think I deserve the success.
Bob: That you deserve the success. It's not that.
Oprah: I don't feel that. I don't feel that way at all.
Bob: However, what people don't understand is not feeling deserving of anything is the biggest barrier to success in that particular area. And a great example is—
Oprah: That particular area meaning losing weight?
Bob: Losing weight or career. Whatever we're discussing. But let's lose weight since this is—
Oprah: Let's lose weight since everybody's here.