Bob: So very important to have a lot of meals.
Oprah: I think big mistake people think, "If I didn't eat breakfast and I didn't eat lunch, then I can have a big dinner and it will be okay, and then they end up consuming all the calories that they would have consumed in the day in that big meal and thinking that's okay.
Bob: It's a common mistake. There's little things you can do. You'll eat less if you spread those meals out, no question. Also, if you have something warm, whether it's tea or soup. We know people that consume tea or soup, something warm, something comforting, on average consume—
Oprah: Eat less.
Bob: —a hundred to 200 calories a day less.
Oprah: Thank you so much.
Jennifer: Thank you.
Oprah: All right. Thanks, Jennifer.
Oprah: Okay. We have a different Linda on the phone. She's from Baltimore, Maryland. What's your question? Hey, Baltimore.
Linda: Hey, Oprah. Hi, Bob.
Bob: Hi, Linda.
Linda: I have a question. I feel that when I diet, my family and the world in which we live constantly sabotage my efforts. How can I diet and gain support from my family while cooking for them when they prefer higher-fat foods and recipes with more taste?
Bob: Well, Linda, the first thing I would do is get them on board. Reemphasize—look people in the eye and say, "This is really important to me. I'm hoping you come along with me and eat the same meals. But if not, we'll make accommodations for that."
Oprah: May I recommend The Best Life Diet Cookbook? There are a lot of really delicious things in here. Yeah. There really are a lot of great things in here.
Bob: It is. Oprah's doing a nice promotion for me, but there are ways where people think that dieting means deprivation and celery and carrot sticks. It doesn't mean that. So they will come on board if you let them. And if they don't, this is more about you and sticking to your guns and emphasizing how important it is to you. But—
Linda: It's tough with family time when you want to have family time and you want to get—you know, I have all men in my family. They all want to go out and have Mexican food so I struggle terribly. I love Mexican food. So what do you do if you want to go out to dinner and that family time is so valuable?
Bob: Well, you can still do that. And, once again, it's not—you know, you can go out once a week and still stay on a plan more or less and even go into the Mexican restaurant. Most Mexican restaurants these days actually have something that's a healthier version. So it's a matter of honoring your commitment to yourself. But I don't think you're listening to me. What I really want you to do is first look in the eyes of those people that you care about and that care about you and say, "This is really important. This is my health. This is my vitality. This is something enormously important. That's the first step. And that—I can't emphasize that enough. Now that doesn't mean that people still in your life won't sabotage you. There's a lot behind that. They're not necessarily consciously doing it. But when you change your life and eat different foods and make time to take your walk or do your activity and turn down going out to eat, you're changing the rules of your relationship and, in an unconscious way, usually, sometimes conscious, but most people it's unconscious, they'll start to question that. They'll start to question that you're moving in a different direction from them and you're moving apart. In some extreme cases, they think that you'll lose the weight, get healthy, and you may lose that relationship. So there are all levels. You can almost count. I've never worked with anyone that didn't have someone in their life that didn't try to consciously or unconsciously sabotage them. This really comes down to your commitment. And I can hear you wavering. "What about this? I like Mexican food." You still haven't committed fully to yourself, and that's the first thing you need to do.
Linda: Well, I did this about three, four years ago. I lost 22 pounds. But I made life miserable for the family.
Bob: How was your life then?
Linda: There were no cookies in the cookie jars. And the food was lacking. And, you know, and so on and so on. I brought turkey into the house instead of beef. My husband has high cholesterol. You know, we tried to change some things there. But I just couldn't grab him on board back then, and then slowly but surely they lured me out of my safety zone.
Bob: How did you feel? How did you feel when you lost the 22 pounds? How did you feel physically?
Linda: Oh, I felt great. I felt great. I could wear anything. I never had that battle looking in my closet. "What can I wear today?" And you just—I felt lighter. I felt I didn't have to worry about some things.
Bob: Well, the first question you ought to ask is why did you give that up? You're saying they pulled you along. But you still made that decision that you have to ask yourself that question, why did you allow it to happen? Because it seemed like your life was going in the right direction. You can still have cookies in the cookie jar if that's important. I'd recommend that you bring them on board. If they don't come along, have the cookies there. This is a commitment to yourself. And in the end, you didn't honor that commitment to yourself.