Stop, take a deep breath, think. Make sure you act, not react. Try to acknowledge your emotions without always acting on them. This will go a long way to avoiding the turmoil so many face when going through a divorce. If you feel out of control, don't be ashamed to get professional help.
Don't be afraid to explore the evolution and the demise of your relationship. You can gain valuable insight into your selection process, expectations of marriage, and reasons for the divorce. Understanding what attracted you to this person in the first place may provide you with some surprising answers.
Just as in the case of the death of a loved one, you will need to recognize and work through the stages of grief and loss. You are likely to experience shock and denial, bargaining, depression, anger, resignation, and finally, acceptance.
Allow yourself to feel the pain, because without this part of the process you may very well end up feeling numb, which is much worse.
Find ways to express your anger and frustration in constructive, not destructive ways. Anger that takes on the form of revenge, rage, blame, violence, or feeling out of control keeps you stuck in the past and connected to your ex in unhealthy ways.
Do what you need to do to regain control over your life. Seeking professional help, going back to school, learning new skills, or going to a support group are all positive ways to not only nurture yourself, but begin to build a new life.
Turn negative thoughts and attitudes into positive actions. Try to concentrate on what you have, not what you have lost.
Create an atmosphere of good will and good faith. Take the high road whenever possible because this will help to rebuild your self-esteem. Hang out with healthy people and learn from them.
Set realistic goals for yourself. Make a determined effort to get through one day at a time. Don't be surprised when you have momentary setbacks, you wouldn't be human if you didn't experience remorse. You may even have moments when you're not sure you've made the right decision(s). Be a friend to yourself and realize that no one has all the answers.
Make sure to reward yourself throughout the process. Indulge you senses. Choose nurturing, constructive rewards. You deserve it. Congratulate yourself for all your hard work, because dealing with divorce in a grown up fashion is one of the most difficult things you will ever do.
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