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Martha asks Tony for three reasons why he will not fail and lose his loved ones. "That's a hard one," Tony says. Although it's difficult for him, Martha stresses that the fight-or-flight reflex can only be turned off with a story that's not frightening. "Tony, when you talk, you look down," Martha says. "That usually means you're cut off from the present, and you're back usually in childhood. The sadness is really palpable."

Tony watches the audience while Martha asks those who thinks he is a good person to raise their hands. As the entire audience raises their hands, Tony doesn't look down. "Look at us," Martha says. "We've seen hard-core the worst of Tony, and we all think you're a really good person. We just get that feeling from you."

Martha says Tony needs to stop beating up on himself. "Shame and fear are driving your addictions, and you can't scare yourself out of being scared," she says. "If you don't stop being scared, you're going to ruin everything. It just makes you more scared. You can't shame yourself out of being shamed."
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FROM: Emergency House Call: Dr. Oz and Family in Crisis
Published on January 01, 2006

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