Q&A with Lisa Edelstein
LE: Well, I don't have children, so it's a lot easier. I think if I had kids it would be a really different question. I don't really talk about my relationship very much, just because I feel like I have to have some part of my life that's private. But I think for me, finding a man that's successful enough in his own life that he doesn't feel emasculated by a woman who's successful is really important. That doesn't mean that men know they're feeling emasculated, but you can tell by what happens in the relationship that it's squashing them. So that's a challenge in the position that I'm in now. I'm sure Oprah can relate! When you have the capacity to spend your life being really independent and demanding in yourself the capacity to take care of yourself and take care of everything in your life, then what do you want out of a partner? Of course, you want love and you want companionship, and you want someone to talk to and argue with and battle ideas with, all those things are really wonderful to have. But it does make a difference to find someone who feels as successful as you do. It doesn't necessarily mean their bank account is the same. It'd be great if it is—I love to be taken out for dinner—but it really has more to do with finding a man who feels successful. Someone who has a role and a goal and is on a path that's really clear, so that's a huge thing for me—and that knocks out a lot of men. And then of course you've got to find the one that is sexy and funny and interesting, and that of course knocks out a lot of other men. But just because you're not in a relationship doesn't mean you can't have a good time.. .whatever that means to you. If it means you have light-hearted relationships with guys you know aren't serious but it's a wonderful friendship, go for it. I feel like there needs to be a shift in the concept of purity in women. I think we were raised very much with a puritanistic idea about what our behavior should be like and you end up sitting at home.
RB: So what do you think it should be?
LE: I think you should have whatever you want. If you want to be with somebody that isn't necessarily your future husband because it's a wonderful, fun experience for you, then you should have that in your life. Women say they believe that, but nobody really talks about it, and it's a necessary part of having a healthy life.