I had ordered a pair of black velvet tuxedo slippers from London as a gift for my boyfriend. And then we broke up. And then the slippers arrived. Hmmmm...quandary. Do I give him the slippers or not? If I don't give them to him, who do I give them to? I mean, where am I going to find a guy, size 9.5 foot, who has the sort of lifestyle and personal tastes that would welcome a pair of black velvet tuxedo slippers embellished with embroidered green griffins? Does he exist? And then the light bulb went on.
If this guy does exist, I'd love to meet him.
A couple of weeks ago, my best friend and co-author Ellen Rakieten and I were on the radio doing publicity for our book Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Wont Be Dating or Having Sex.
We had been out selling this book for a few days, and in that time, we had been talking about the phenomenon of the undateable man. It seems that there are so many men who are undateable. Where are all the dateable guys? I personally had collected a few "undateables" in my experience as a single woman.
The first was the photographer I was dating who took me to lunch. I had been out with him a couple times and really liked him. And then "it" happened. As we were finishing lunch, he started stealing the little ketchup and mustard packets from the table and stuffing them in his jacket pocket. He then grabbed the entire stash of napkins and shoved those in his other jacket pocket. I really didn't understand what I was witnessing. I sat there, perplexed and slightly horrified. "What are you doing?" I asked him. And without a trace of embarrassment or shame, he told me "You see, if I do this, I don't ever have to buy paper towels or life-size condiments". A kiss-of-death moment if there ever was one.