Photo: © 2010 Fox Broadcasting Co./Patrick Ecclesine/FOX
Episode 1: Pilot
"Your resentment...is delicious."
Episode 2: Showmance
"Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching...and that includes an elementary school production of Hair."
Episode 3: Acafellas
"I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office. I'm revoking your tanning privileges for the rest of the semester."
Episode 4: Preggers
"Not everyone is going to have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance. But I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage."
Episode 5: The Rhodes Not Taken
"When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused. And then furious."
Episode 6: Vitamin D
"I've never wanted kids...don't have the time, don't have the uterus."
Episode 7: Throwdown
"I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picturing birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting."
Episode 8: Mash-Up
"I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then, on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face."
Episode 9: Wheels
"You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they're going in another direction. That was hard."
Episode 10: Ballad
Sadly, no Sue in this episode—so we've included a bonus quote in Episode 12.
Episode 11: Hairography
"Never let anything distract you from winning. Ever."
Episode 12: Once Upon a Mattress
"You wouldn't even know if your glee club was using your office to breed rabbits for pets or for food. You know why? You're too busy chasing tail and loading your hair with enormous amounts of product. I mean, today it just looks like you put lard in it."
"This year, I got myself a bit of an eyelift. And while they were in there, I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. Wasn't using 'em."
Episode 13: Sectionals
"Well played, sir. I underestimated you. All right, here's what happens now. I'm going to head on down to my condo in Boca, brown up a bit, get myself back into fighting shape, then I'm going to return to this school even more hellbent on your destruction. Get ready for the ride of your life, Will Schuester. You are about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination? Horror!"