In 2010, when the New Orleans Saints faced off against the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl XLIV, actor/comedian Denis Leary volunteered his advice for women everywhere to Oprah.com. We thought it might come in handy this weekend.
That's right. Eight. Could have been 10, but that's David Letterman territory. Could have been 12. But that's a couple more than Dave and thus a little too show-offy.
In fact, I could have listed 18 or 20 or 25, but those numbers, to use a little football parlance, may just have been perceived as "piling on."
So eight it is.
Eight things to stay far, far away from while watching the Super Bowl with your boyfriend, partner, lover or hubby-poo.
Eight things we men really, really, REALLY hate to hear about while we are watching the biggest football game of the year with a bunch of our best buddies and their wives or girlfriends or fiancées. Eight things men watching men chase other men around while men with microphones say manly things don't want to hear women talk about.
In no particular order:
Other Men's Asses
We don't want to hear about them. Not a single one. Not the ass of Tom Brady. Not the ass of Reggie Bush. Strange as it may seem, we don't look at other mens rear ends. Not even the tight end's end, whether it be tight or fat or anything in between. So if some player's backside begins to strike your fancy during the game, please keep it to yourself. Because I can almost guarantee that any conversation involving Tom Brady's butt or the derriere of Reggie Bush will only lead down a road I like to call the Celebrity Ass Worship Extravaganza, which for almost every single heterosexual man on this planet includes detailed and numerous discussions about just how fantastic Giselle Bündchen's ass looks from absolutely every angle and the walking spectacle that is the keister of Kim Kardashian.