God bless you, indy-j. What a wonderful gift you have given your mother and what a sacred privilege you have in taking care of her. I had the privilege of being at the bedsides of my mother and my mother-in-law when each of them went into hospice care. While there were many sad and difficult days, I treasure those hours and days of being there when these two vital parts of my spirit left this earth. But I have two sisters who shared the time with me with my mom and a husband who kept things running smoothly at home while I care for his mother. I can't imagine how alone you must feel at times.

Maybe this clutter challenge can give you a kind of diversion while caring for your mother. I have discovered that attacking someone elses clutter is much easier than dealing with my own. If you break it down into small tasks such as the one you just completed with the jars of jam, you will get there. And while your mother is still living it will be so much easier than if you are faced with the clutter and grief.

BTW, do you have a good, sturdy stepladder? We have really high ceilings and cabinets way out of my reach, so we have several ladders in our house. My favorite is a white, 3 step ladder with a guardrail that I use in the kitchen. Sounds like you need one of those.

thank-you for your tips. Keeping the illusion, that everything is the same takes on a new level of creativity. While the elder is still living de cluttering is seen as throwing them away (in their eyes). What I find difficult is hat should be donated, recycled or sold on E-bay. Her house was built in 1956. Never changed. Hoarding gathered from 1940 until present. one stack of magazines at a time.

you are also right about being isolated. I lived on my own for thirty years in San francisco. now living in a suburb, i need lots for encouragement.

Gosh Indy, you have a lot of challenges on you hands! Maybe the talk about getting rid of the stuff is the way of your mom trying to deal with aging and her thoughts about death. So, along the way you need to talk about it. You need to continue to mention safety in the home as a reason to organize it. Do you really have magazines going way back? What kind of names?Some are collectables and some are not. Do you have any used book dealers or antique dealers around where you could check out their stuff? As a caregiver, I find that every person I come in contact with becomes a sort of support system to me as caregivers are isolated. Check on-line for value of old magazines and web-sites that are for collectors. Use amazon to check out the value of books. You can do this a little at a time to decide which pile to put them in......some will be to donate.....some you could sell yourself on-line which is easy.....some you may want to sell to a book dealer...and when you have determined the rare books....I would keep them or consider selling them to a rare book dealer. You can buy a reference book to learn about books. I have enjoyed selling boks on-line as it adds a little spark to the day. Some of your stuff could probably go to an auction...a little at a time. Last time I was in a shop the dealer said that not much was selling. I'm thinking that maybe you should figure out what is the rarest stuff around there and pack it separately. You could also just take 5 items at a time and list them on e-bay. Just thought I would give your some food for thought and some encouragement. wonaday

encouragement that is the key, As a caregiver not just my mom, her house (belongings are also aging. The house was messy before but now it is a disaster zone. Could have been worse. The back room flooded. That's one way to clean out the room. The wool rug hand woven in 1956 is leaving a gritty substance on the hard wood floors. It had just been cleaned should I keep it, donate it or trash it. indy-j.

Indy-j: Do you think the backing of the rug is crumbling? I think it may be trash. Look up vintage hand woven rugs and I think you will find that it reallly isn't all that valuable unless it it highly unusual and in good condition. I am sure you have heard your whole life about the very special "hand woven wool rug" that you have in the house! I think the specialness is over. If you need permission to get rid of it...I am giving you permission. Don"t know what you will replace it with! I think you have a lot of little things that don't look valuable that are valuable verses the things that you also thought were so special. Just a thought. What are the things you really want to keep? Have you watched Antique Roadshow with your mom? You have so many decisions to make and all you can do is your best and that is good enough! There will be some even more difficult decisons to make down the road...so maybe this is a little practice. Seems everyday there is another decison to make and all we can do is make the best decion that we know to make. Despite whatever objections your mother has..she knows that she needs you now to help her with everything. You are doing a great job! won

Thank-you , I did it tossed out the old rug. Talk about a liberating experience. Thanks again for the nudge. The room looks great. I finally have a room/space to call my own after living for almost 3 years in what i could describe as a storage room. Now on to the piles of magazines. The more I clean the more I uncover. I just parted with four mini blinds that I stored here years ago from my first apartment from the 70s. I thought she donated them years ago. Gave them to the disabled veterans along with some books, records and knick-knacks.

Yay Indy-j! Step by step, you are nibbling away at it. You are definitely making progress. It is a challenge, since for many of us, our parents or grandparents were raised in the depression and throwing anything away is unthinkable. I am sure those mini-blinds brought back many memories and smiles.

Take care and kindest regards.

indy-j: My grandmother always said that the only way to eat an elephant was one mouthful at a time! You're on the right track. Small steps and consistent effort yield HUGE results. Don't forget that the clutter didn't happen in a day and it won't be cleared overnight. Just commit to a small amount each day (two trash bags?) and over the course of a few weeks you'll start to see progress.

Happy holidays!

Peter

Indy-j: Hooray for you in gettin rid of some stuff! Glad that you were able to carve out a little space for yourself in the house. I guess you have officailly moved in! LOL

Keep up the good work! wonaday

My mom lived through the depression, wwII, that is part of it. The other part of hoarding  is Alzheimer's disease so as you said throwing away anything is unthinkable. This where I get creative and make de cluttering an art. Removing anything has to done when she is sleeping so she doesn't know. Then I have to make the shelf, the drawer, the area appear full. It is empty spaces that triggers her anxiety. When I first moved in I thought we could work as a team. That illusion has melted and the stark reality is I have do this thing alone and hope for the best. In her eyes everything has memories, everything is good. Cleaning, sorting and trying to decide the best way to move it on out. Like the mini blinds, so far no memories or smiles. I do laugh at my predicament. The other day someone told me, why did I donate the blinds to the disabled veterans, they won't know what to do with them, when I could sold them. When I call around no one wants to help or want it. When I do make a decision, everyone has an opinion. I just do what I need to do and let the chips fall were they may. Indy

Hi Peter, Wow it was such a surprise to hear from you and your words of encouragement. Eliminating creates illumination. My new mantra for the new year.
Happy and blessed holidays, Indy

indy-j: I love your new mantra. Eliminating creates illumination. May I use it? I've been using fashionably frugal as my mantra. Depression era parents are keepers. My parents kept shelves of canned goods and a few non working small appliances. Maybe, we'll see those days again. I'm beginning to understand their behavior. Keep on de-cluttering. Ingrid

wonaday Happy holidays
Humming my new mantra: eliminating creates illumination, while sorting piles into three bags full.
How are you doing?
LOL, I am sitting in my once clean space buried beneath assorted stacks of magazines and music. I just dumped 120 lbs of knitting magazines. Guess what? No Guilt. So far I haven't been caught in the act of dumping.

It is good to hear from others in my similar situation. It makes de-cluttering almost fun.
Please feel free to use and share the mantra: elimination creates illumination.
Happy blessed holidays, Indy

It sounds as if your mother could have a mental health diagnosis referred to as "hoarding disorder". The accumulation of large amounts of things (and sometimes animals) is characteristic of this problem. There is usually a very intense emotional attachment to the things collected, which is why there may be ongoing resistance to your getting rid of them. What you are doing is, of course, the right thing: trying to clean out the clutter a little at a time, and as you can handle it. It is worth considering getting some help with this huge problem of cleanup by asking a local church, synagogue, charitable organization or other volunteer group to pitch in and help. Even one other person can reduce your stress in doing all the work. Your mother's dementia could be part of the reason why she is hoarding, and unfortunately, there is no "cure" for hoarding disorder in an aging parson. You can only try to manage the basic safety and hygiene issues you face. Do not be surprised if your mother tries to stop you from getting rid of some of her collection of objects. Wanting to keep them is not a logical thing, and you can't talk her out of it with reasoning. Giving her reassurance and companionship insofar as possible is the best you can expect. I hope you are getting some support for your own emotional needs, from caregiver support groups, this site, of course, with many caring folks on it, and from friends. Yours is a difficult journey. My thoughts are with you.

nurselawyer@omcast.net