Hello HarpoBear. I am eagerly anticipating the follow-up show. Since part 1 aired, I have had the unfortunate experience of counseling someone whose best friend was stabbed to death by her husband, in front of their 3 year-old child. I truly feel like I was meant to see that episode because much of the advice I gave (document all the times she called after the abuse, etc) came from watching the Oprah show. In addition, another friend has come forward with a situation where she feels threatened by a stalker. Again, I used a lot of the information I got from the Oprah show, and I continue to proactively learn what women can do to stay safe. What angers me is that these predatory people (I won't even just say men) have their tactics down to a science. Now that I know what the pattern looks like, it's actually pathetic how unoriginal they are. It's like there's a manual out there, and they've all read from the same book. What I would like to see Oprah take on -- perhaps as Part 3 -- is to help friends and family develop our own methodology/manual for helping our loved ones in these situations. The abusers know exactly what to do, what to say. Why can't we know exactly what to do and say too? They are calculating. So in helping our loved ones, we need to be calculating too. I feel it is time for a movement to end the isolation that is critical in allowing abuse to exist. We need a manual! I realize that ultimately, our loved ones will play a huge role in how the situation ends. But as a friend, sister, co-worker, mentor etc, I want to know that I did everything I could to usurp the predator's power. I want to foil plans and be a huge obstacle, as I'm sure every loved one does. I'm hoping you'll start the discussion on how we do that.

Dear Harpo Bear, Yes I too look forward to the 2nd episode but what I really think would be the best show is somehow do a show on how these abusive people get past the law. I myself have ended an abusive relationship over a year ago, I was involved with a man with whom he belittled me, put me down in public and beat me which involved a broken shoulder, broken nose, threw me down a flight of stairs. I am scared by all the attacks and look at the scars on my arms every day and thank god that I had friends to help me escape. It took over three years for me to escape this situation because of the (text book) answers I will get help, I have never done this before to anyone else, I will stop. His last attack on me was throwing me into a wall and pounding my head into a door, I went back to work and was told by my boss to go and press charges and I did, but it was not easy, he was arrested and then released. After his release he stalked me and attacked my car. I spent over a year in the court system only to find out that this man had 5 orders of protection on him from other women. The problem was noone else pressed charges due to fear of him. What I can say is only from the strength of my family and friends did I go through this court case and finally he was found guilty. He is still not in jail and he can still attach someone else but at least I did try to save his next victim. The law needs to be more proactive in this situation something like megans law should be arranged with men who abuse. The one thing that a male friend told me as I was going through this is that "no man should ever hit a women" that statement gave me strength to leave. I was lucky enough to have a family court advocate and she was great and gave me great strength , but the process is long and I can understand why its hard for many women to press charges. But the only way to get this calculating people off the streets is strength and determination. Determination if not for you but for the next women, I wish one of the other 5 would have done something because I would not have been with him if they did. Also the laws need to be changed on these cases. saved by friends and family and the strength of my children who came to court with me to help me throgh this

I never experienced such physical violence, nor that degree of emotion degradation. I have never been a mother or wife, so those where not the points on which I was insulted. I was, however, in a master's writing program at one of, if not the top program in the US, on a scholarship. My partner at the time was extraordinarily wealthy [insert social pressure to stay] and while a scientist by trade, he also wrote. He would berate be: try and get me to say my work didn't mean anything; that the only reason for my success was the school attached to my name. Or, demanding that I should disagree with him in pubic (he had been screaming at a desk-clerk, claiming that his family had "paid for" the building so that he deserved special consideration, I was apologizing to the clerk and those around me), and screaming that I basically looked down on them for their wealth (which was not the case). My (emotional and verbal) abuser did not come at me with what one would consider a classic insult. But they were brilliantly designed to target me, to the core, precisely. This makes it less obvious--to you and others--but just as damaging.

BOY!!! Does this sound like Stacy Perterson's Story. If thats not enough to get out. Drew' said he thinks she ran away with someone. That is what the mother said in her letter he would say. If she was missing.

As an 8 year Survivor, I know how important this topic is to our nation. Thank you Oprah for continuing to bring abuse to the forefront. I will never have children thanks to my ex-husband, but am now blessed to have a great loving husband. He knows how real abuse is, as he is in law enforcement. God bless all those who are survivors and those who have yet to see the freedom that is just a heartbeat away! As my husband always says - Life is Good! Joanne

I got out hopefully just on time. My son witnessed horrible emotional and physical abuse by my ex-husband toward me, and I finally filed for divorce when he was 3 yrs. old but then I TOOK HIM BACK because of his begging and saying he would change. The court even sent him to Anger Management classes but HE FLUNKED! Even tho the court said this was the first time they had ever seen anyone FLUNK Anger Mgmt class (usually they will at least "play the game" for the counsellors) after having gone for 6 months. But still I took him back and dropped the divorce procedings. Wasted alot of money there.

Shortly thereafter he really beat me and even ripped the phone out of the wall so I couldn't call the Police...our son (only child, thank God) got up and saw him pounding my face while I lay helpless on the kitchen floor. I had a black eye and a concussion. I ran to the bedroom and used that phone to call the police, and they took him out in handcuffs for the umpteenth time. I filed for divorce again.

This time he said he would fight me until I had no money left to fight him w/these expense Divorce Lawyers (sorry, but they are!). I finally ran out of money and had to borrow money from my mother, who to this day thinks I NEVER SHOULD HAVE DIVORCED HIM because marriage is for LIFE. In fact, we are now estranged.

My husband also made me quit my job when we got married and I was pregnant saying I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND OUR KID. Now I've been out of work and looking EVERYWHERE here in Connecticut but there are NO JOBS and I've been looking for over 2 years. My parents have alot of money and I'm an only child who has witnessed abuse in my own childhood, so that's why I knew what the right thing to do is: GET OUT! DO NOT STAY FOR THE CHILDREN, GET OUT FOR THE CHILDREN!! PLEASE!!

I own my own condo which I rented out while married. I have 17 yrs. invested in the mortgage. I have no money left and have MAXED OUT all my credit cards. Some of the payments are $400/month!! My mortgage including real estate taxes is LESS than if I lived in an apt., which BTW nobody would even rent me an apt. since I don't work because I can't even get a job at the local grocery store.

My parents won't help me out, even w/a signed loan, and even tho they have TONS of money. Not that it's MY MONEY, but I have no siblings (which I've always resented -- and now I HAVE AN ONLY CHILD!!), and no friends, so I have nobody to help me out. I think we're going to have to sell my condo and pay off what I can, but my son, now 11 yrs. old and a straight A student, doesn't want to even HEAR IT. I just don't know what to do. Even if I do sell the condo, I'll have to live in a homeless shelter and my son will HAVE TO LIVE W/HIS ABUSIVE FATHER.

HELP!! Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated by me and my son.

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,

Islandgame

What about men who are being abused by their wihes'?

How do they get out?

Why do they stay?

and What do the children think of the Dads' that stay and take the abuse from Mom?

i feel as if i am in hell everyday...i to have just come to realize maybe I am abused..I watched this show and never seen it that way and he is always really nice, loving and says he is sorry and sometimes cries after he has been so mean. He has been in jail several times, been in anger management. I have 2 kids 10 and 6. I live 300 miles away from my family & can't move across the line unless he agrees I can. I have no help where I am. No family, friends, and don't work. I don' t no where to turn because he has all the money , he always finds some reason why I shouldn't work and when I did work he made me have direct deposit. I have such a low esteem. After 11 yrs. you start believing what your told.I do have doctor records from the last few years. The physical abuse is not all the time and he has never hit me just choke, throw me, throw objects at me or hit me with them anywhere that can't be seen in plain sight, held a gun to me and knife and always tells me he will kill me if I ever press charges against him again. His parents and family say im lieing about everthing and his mother has even pushed me & tried to fight me in front my kids 3 different times he never steps in he sets back and laughs. Im always scared everyday of what he will feel when he gets home from work. I live in constant hell everyday..Can anyone please help me on how I can find help?? I have never spoke out...Im tired of living like this life is to short not to be happy..

While I agree with the tape of "having an escape plan", that is just a bleak synopsis of the realities of actually leaving an abusive situation, particularly with children, and moving forward. It is hardly EVER that cut and dry.

I had my own plan, I somewhat escaped, but as I am still going through the court system for 3 years now, the abuse continues. The funny part is now he can harass and abuse me and our children through the courts at HUGE expense, and those monies should actually be going to my children who need it.

I am penniless, thanks to this situation, without insurance, etc. Since I worked for our "family business" which is no longer, I have no work history since my ex and I had no salary... and through his fantastic games, now with the accountant, I have been excluded from any tax benefit... however, have tens of thousands of dollars in tax liens against me through him and the business. I am financially ruined. Yes, I have sought work. No one will hire me. However, if they met me, someone would have to think twice about saying no to me.

Our family home, which was awarded to me, is now in foreclosure, and I have to explain to my 3 children that our sanctuary that I fought so hard for is going to be lost. My children wonder what they did wrong. At the same time, they are confused and hurt and lost.

The children, while I fought so hard to bring them to the forefront of this, were left in the dust. What mattered was the money that was going to the lawyers for this crazy situation. Actually, HIS lawyer - which to this day has banked over $100,000 on this... in cash and property. My lawyer, who is FABULOUS, and I owe our life to, stated to me "don't forget about me"; I owe him plenty! He is wonderful through this, and if I could give a "shout out" to him... John Chapski in Kane County. Truly the best!

Anyhow, my story has been depicted, in parts, in the Chicago Tribune as the story of "Kristen".

And yes, things are quite different going through this in reality. Its scary, and I fear for my children that I fought so hard to protect. They don't deserve this. I have 3 young children, the youngest having a mild form of autism. I have full, sole custody, and I showed my children that mommy will never allow them to be hurt again. If someone just gave me the chance... if someone would just only lend me that hand that I need to get back up.

Its very hard to leave, because this is the realities we are faced with.

Kristen120707@aol.com

It feels frightening just to watch this, although I've watched the 1st part 2 times and am now watching the 2nd part. All I can say is I hope this helps many people, men and woman, especially the children who may carry this on. I've never been absused nor exsposed to absuse but I wonder why this has always been my biggest fear in any past or future relationship.

These shows are really important to watch. I feel that we need more of younger adults involved. My roomate, age 20 and her boyfriend age 21, feels it is necessary to abuse her. He has not only emotionally, physically, and mentally abused her, he has also threatened us roomates to hurt us or burn our house down. She comes from a loving family, whom don't have a clue what goes on in our house. Her daughter's life is at stake while she is in school, and he has brainwashed her so much that she feels the only control in her life is her body-which lead to anorexia. I feel we need a show like this one including young adults. I feel these shows are very important for young woman and any woman of that age. Women need to stand up for what is right and what they believe in, even if they are standing alone.

I am watching the show as I type with chills of remembering running down my spine. I lived this life all through my childhood with my dad beating my mother and then married someone who did the same to me for years. Hearing the son say he didnt know there was anything wrong with what was going on, is so true. I didnt know for years that I had been living in an abusive home growing up or even while taking beatings from my boyfriend at the time who I eventually married. I thought being hit, ridiculed & beaten was normal. I realized things werent right when a neighbor once broke thru our door to pull him off me while he was beating me silly. At first I was wondering why he cared I was being hit, then slowly it dawned on me that what was happening wasnt normal. I would also tell my friends that if I showed up dead that he was the one who killed me. I know my children who are now adults have suffered mentally from all the abuse they saw. I am grateful to be alive and can only hope my children will be ok.

I work in this area everyday, I one want to say I grew up with an abusive father. Women feel that they have know where to go and know way to support themselves. We need to make women know that there are places to go and to not be afraid. More women and children are killed because we stay. Please continue to air these shows and work with the communities so these women and children have a place to go. We have to remember that this is a learned trait and the cycle will continue through our children if we don't break the cycle.

I can barely watch stuff like this. I got married on my 17th birthday to a man that I thought was kind and gentle. The night we got married the abuse began. It continued through my pregnancies. He would beat me in front of the kids over anything from how I was dressed, how I cleaned the house, watching television, to buying groceries that only he could eat. One day me, him, and our two children were in the living room and he began to beat me when my three year old (@ the time) climbed on the couch and pulled her 10 month old sibiling into her lap and covered his eyes crying saying it will be ok, that is the day that I knew I was going to plan my escape from the relationship. I lived through 6 yrs of EVERY abuse you could possibly think of. I know that if I would have stayed my children would live each day in fear like I did and the chances of my children allowing someone to do that to them, or even the possibility of them becoming violent toward others was all at risk. Anyone that is in an abusive relationship should get out no matter what the other person tells you. You can get out and you will be loved again. You can pull your life together.

Abuse is very difficult. I believe there needs to be a safety net in place for women who want out. I wish there could be an organizaiton in place where women could go to get help. Financial, emotional, physical help. Right now, in Vermont, we have a battered womans group but there really can't do much except council you. They can place you in a safe place but some women have no money, no car, etc. Oprah...perhaps you can start something nationwide for women in this kind of trouble.