Surviving w/ a Negative, Depressed, Close-minded Family Member

Hi! Karen,
I have just read your post. I just wanted to send you a quick message before I go to work this morning. I live in Northern Ireland and it's nearly 9am here.

Hang in there you sound depressed as well. This is understandable. Look in your local directorary there must be a voluntary organization over there that deals with mental illness, they should be able to point you in the right direction for support. You really need some support.!!!!!!!!!

Often when people are ill they only focus on them selves. They really do not realize the pressure they put on their loved ones. Your Dad probably tells you everything about the way he is feeling because he feels safe and trusts you. In one sense this is an honor but in another it is selfish. You must be firm and get on with your own life. Enjoy your life get out, meet people have interests etc. It will help you to be able to cope with your father. Be kind and be firm. If he is letting you stay with him he must love you. Try to remember that. Try to focus on positive things.

It sounds like he is never going to change he seems to have a depressive personality. If you can show him that you have a good life and that you are enjoying yourself it will have an impact on him hopefully, no matter how small.

You won't really hate him you are just frustrated and angry which is totally understandable and you feel trapped because you have to live with him because of financial reasons. This will pass I cannot give you a time period but always remember tomorrow is another day!

Try to take control of your own life even if today you only tidy your room today. Do something that makes you feel like your in control! However small.

I hope you have a good day and remember life is a journey and things do get better. Everyone has bad times in their life. Some people are just better at hiding their problems thats all. It does'nt mean that they are having a good time either.

Take care of yourself!
Kirstyx

Do this technique once a day every day, while sitting. Close your mouth and inhale deeply thru your nose, then exhale out of your mouth. Repeat this 5 times very slowly for one sitting and 7x a week.

After 2 weeks you'll start noticing changes!

i read my life when you told yours!!! do i ever know what you`re talking about. it KILLS ME!!!!!! me it`s my boyfriend who is that way, and we live together, and we`re also implicated to deep financially. i cannot leave just like that; unfortunately. but! i already gave him an ultimatum and he has up til spring for some changes to be made, if not!? i`m out of here. they simply drag you down with them those so negatives peoples. but i`ll give you a trick. give him some B-complex or B-100 vitamins. try to go for a walk often outside with him. impose somehow your attitude, nicely, gently and with fun. it`s seriously like if you had to act with them like if you were a mom and them a kid!! remember what you said about when you were young!? that you would be positive so.... did it work? and, - you`ll laught at that one - does he get all excited in a positive way when you can be a little bitchy towards him? meaning, you stand up for yourself and say what you have to say. being firm. this is what they need. you need to be the post. do you want to be? that is the question? one thing for sure! one or the other will be influenced by the other. wich one will it be? good luck and you yourself keep doing things that help you stay positive.

You know I have been going through these posts and I find that so many people have the same problems. I take care of my 41 year old stepson who was recently diagnosed with psychosis. I think everyday that I cannot stand it one more second, but it just goes on day after day.. He was O.K. until about 7 years ago when he began thinking that his medications were being taken away or substituted with placebos. It progressed into paranoia- his thinking that he was being watched in his room, being followed by airplanes and photographed. He thinks that he is being controlled by a satellite and that he is being punished for something- what? we don't know and neither does he. I have taken him to so many doctors and then put him in mental hospitals,but he just keeps getting different and worse symptoms. I am stuck with taking care of him because his family is in Cuba and his mom is in Italy. I finally got him Social Security disability and medicare which I desperately needed because I left my job due to illnesses that only worsened while trying to take care of him. None of his father's family is willing to take him and since my husband (his dad) died in 1991 (one year after he got here from Cuba) I have been the only one to take care of him. I can't even go to my own son's home without worrying about my stepson. There are days when I just don't want to get out of bed because of both physical and mental pain but since I also keep my 3 year old granddaughter, I have to just get up and face it. If you don't have to live with your father(I know you said you did because of financial reasons), then try to get out soon as possible. I cannot think of a more hellish life than to have to live with someone who makes you so miserable. I am on the computer today because my step son is just running around the house, complaining about everything he can think of and driving me crazy. This at least gets me away from him for a while. Again...if you don't HAVE to live near your dad, then get out soon as you can.

I've just seen your post and you seem to be in a place not very far from were I am at this moment. For me it's my mum, and she sounds very much like you dad. Life can be hard when your with a parent who suffers from depression, not only do you have to deal with there mood swings but also how they affect you. While my mum has decided to seek help, in truth I can't really see how this will help as see is so closed minded. If you have not already done so I would recomend going to see a counseling service. or even just have a really good talk with a close friend. If you can't talk to a friend/counseling service wright you think and feel down in a journal, be totaly open with your self no matter how harsh your thoughts might be to wards you farther.

maybe think about taking some time away from your father, go away for a week or just a weekend to be by your self, treat your self to some nice things, turn your self phone off and totaly disconect your self from the world, and all it's troubles. Get your self respect back, so that your will be better placed to help your farther. Staying with him becasue of financial reasons isn't going to help, as it may add more presure on you, which in trun can make you depressed. maybe think about moving in with a friend/relative til you can make your self more financial stable.