Oops, make that $25million! Unless you are from Zimbabwe!

Brides (more like Bridezillas) are so focused on the one day...wedding day...they don't think about the "until death do us part" part. They are so focused on getting married, they ignore red flags in the relationship. (i.e. his controlling nature; her drinking; spending habits of each other, etc.) Many couples take marriage for granted, and forget it takes some serious work to make a marriage stay together.

Eve,

You're not old-fashioned at all. Most people - celebs, royals, us "regular" peeps - want love and a long-term commitment.

A lot of celebrities get caught up in the lifestyle, the image they "must" portray, a sense of living up to expectations, etc., and get lost in the whole thing. It's happens to the best of 'em. And if they're younger - ie, 20s - they're more interested in the "fairy tale" aspect of it all. Younger brides are also more focussed on seeking validation via marriage instead of establishing their own identities. Whereas once you've had some life experience under your belt, you're more centred, and more focussed on the connection you're making with someone - and not all the fancy trimmings.

A freer lifestyle, ability to date around, and non-marital sex have nothing to do with ensuring people marry without pre-conceived delusions. People marry for a variety of reasons: family pressure, peer pressure, because it's "time", because their partners are "marriage material", society, culture, you name it. People are under enormous pressure to live up to any of the above. And a lot of people marry for a "reason" - ie, stability, security, to "make things better", when really, people should marry as a RESULT of achieving said stability, security, and having made things better in the first place.

Love and commitment either exists, or there's a sincere HOPE of their existence. Some people marry, hedging their bets that it will work out, instead of taking their time to ensure both parties are heading into marriage intuitively.

Most people seek love. Too may approach it in self-defeatist ways. However, being a deeply optimistic person under my veil of occasional cynicism, I believe that true love can be found and kept.

suship

What a good expression, "bridezillas". Sort of goes with the "sweet sixteen" parties that completely aim at blotting out all competition. And I do agree totally, marriages are hard work, but also great if each one is totally committed to the vows they made before their God and the assembled guests. It is ia very serious matter, and if it is too dressed up then there is great disappointment later when the champagne and roses are no longer on the top of the shopping list, LOL.

You have given a whole lot of reasons why people marry, most of all in the hope that love and commitment exists. From one who thankfully knows, it does! But you are so right, so many simply take a chance on love for some very different reasons, and least of all that the decision was simply the prospective couple's decision alone. I am all for marriage preparation, even a little written test or two, LOL. Something else you have made clear is that sleeping with more than one partner is not in fact practise for when you meet "the one". I have known couples who have lived together for a very long time, then married and divorced in very quick succession from that same partner. Why would the marriage be any different to living together or was there no intention to be fully committed in the first place. I also agree that mature love is the best type of love, when one has a definite idea of what he or she really seeks in a partner.

I thus believe that marriage is an outdated custom, nowadays used as an excuse to have a big party to celebrate one's current love, and with the backup plan of divorce when things don't work out. How very sad, because for the invited guests it can be a very expensive exercise, LOL.

I would suggest a simple wedding with a proviso that if within ten years there is no need to admit failure and the marriage is working well then the big wedding celebrations should happen.

Hi Eve..This is the third time that I have posted in your thread Eve. Messageboards seized and wiped my messages, 20 minutes to write each.

It was probably a contributing factor to the marriage breakdown. I'll add to it when I know that my post's won't be lost. It doesn't look like it at this stage though. YAY!!!

Love the new boards Ms O.. LOL.

People are too focused on the wedding day. Those lavish weddings are very tiring. Thats the worse thing you can do is start off a marriage being totally exhausted from all the wedding plans and not to mention the debt you have alreaady started. To me thats a bad recipe. Simple weddings are much more intimate, loving and reasonable. The bride and groom have energy to enjoy one another after they say I do and will start the marriage off in a positive way, they won't start out being broke and in debt. and totally stressed out and exhausted .All those things cause tension and exhaustion. I wish the media would stop glamorizing the wedding day and people stop trying to keep up with the Jones's....relax have a nice beautiful simple wedding and enjoy life together....

I second That!! I agree totally! Although i Love to see wedding dresses and weddings. But that to me just thinking of having one like that is already exausting! Id rather stick to the focus on one another rather then that piece of paper that we turn it into such a big thing and most of the times it gets out of hand. Out of hand meaning invite this one and that one. Oh dont forget that person either! All about others and not enough about the people that actually are getting married.

Jolly:)

Hi ,

I have also thought about things like that. It's nice to hear someone else say it. Sometimes I feel so different than everyone around me b/c it seems everyone else is so into putting on a great "show." I always thought that if I get married, I would want to elope, or just have it be me and him...I never wanted all that hooplah (sp?). I just don't get it...i think it's so over rated, and that people miss the point.

Also, when i watch a lot of the reality tv shows and see people having sex so casually, I wonder if I am too uptight or if they are just really screwed up. I try not to judge though.

I think it comes down to people not living consciously.

Fatima

eveduval wrote:Oops, make that $25million! Unless you are from Zimbabwe!

Good point LOL. That Mugabe

Anyway! It's the influence through media and various sources that can get us all caught up in this. It starts from an early age though for a lot I would say. Those Fables perhaps. Best to down-grade the PrincePrincess myth? Are we setting their standards too high?

Hey Suship.

What happened to your avatar? Did the dog in the frontline ad above us run away with your shoe/stiletto?

The dog running of with the stilleto is a amusing thought, LOL, sort of like the dish running away with the spoon, and the cow jumping over the moon..... good one, Ruth

That said........

Fairytales are wierd, maybe that is why fairytale weddings so often don't work out the way intended. Sometimes also as Jolly mentioned the problem centers around who to invite. I think close family and friends, especially children should be included, not some distant aunt or uncle who might enable a claim on the family fortune (Nope, I don't have those relatives, for the record, thank goodness ). The day should be about celebration of the love the couple shares, not about the wedding of the year. It should be about the marriage of the century, made to last. Sigh...................:D

And BTW, did you say media?!!!

Big Question?????

Should the media and marriages mix, that "M" word again , LOL.......

LOL! Good one!!! Very good one!! LOL

I think in some cases they go hand in hand!! For the same Conclusion! For it to be publicly anounced! Good one!

Jolly:)