Hi Zola,

I hate heaping advice on to people because sometimes they come here to vent and to be heard, which is fine.

If you are looking for some input, I guess I have more questions than anything else about your situation.

Do you have any kids at home?

How long have you been married?

How long has money been an issue?

Did your husband lose his job and go back to school?

What is he spending money on?

I know in this economy, many men who used to be the breadwinner are finding themselves in a situation that they never expected and I've seen many cases where the men are almost in denial. My friend's husband has gone back to school too and apparently he doesn't seem that concerned about money either. Another friend has a husband who hasn't been working for 8 months and has been at home spending money on internet porn. The wives are beyond aggravated with them as they try to do their best to make ends meet.

I hope to hear from you.

Get this...im 24 years old...i have 2 yr old twin boys...my hubby is 25...i take care of the kids all day and try to get to class on time at night...and he has been working before as a waiter..making 100 bux a day...but he got htis opportunity to work at an office... 3months passes by and they only payed him 700 out of 3,600!! so i argued for him to quit on that opportunity and give our kids an opportunity...you see my twins were preemies (born at 30weeks) and developed a brain bleed and doctors turned around and said my hubby shook them... i fought and fought jumping from doctor to doctor with 4 month old twins, 1 to get the right diagnosis and treatment for the twins, and then to proove my husband innocence...i did all this for our family to have a second chance, but he takes off cause i argue to shape up a little to give the kids a chance...i mean i have medicaid thank god...but thats it... no day care no cash and doctors told me the best thing for them is like gymboree or a learning institute...did i do something worng? did i do too little? i mean i teach my kids...like a little mini school the best i can, and i have like 5 different doctors they see, i have an average of 6 long appts a month...school..i jsut needed some support and security... im stuck!

Lisen, I was once a person like your husband in my marriage. Meaning, spending money like water because before I married my husband, my family lived check to check with 10 in the household. I don't know your upbringings but having to grow up a certain way is a bad habit to break. Still, If money is tight, YOU! have to draw the line and say STOP!

My husband and I have been having a lot of problems budgeting our money to be able to pay our bills fully and on time. We actually just came up with an idea that we are finding very useful.

My husband and I both work full time because we have one child living with us and the other child in another country so we have a lot of bills. I am not sure how what kind of person your husband is but mine got his own bank account and is having his money deposited into his new account and I am keeping the other one for my money. We split the bills according to how much we make so he pays more of the bills because he make more money. For instance, he pays all major bills (rent, elec, water, cable, etc.) and I pay for food and misc and my son's tuition. It has seemed to help us so far, it's just a suggestion and it doesn't always work for everyone but it is helping us. We also have calendars on our fridge with the dated the the bills are due so when it comes time he pays his and I pay mine.

Hope this helps

Yikes! This sounds so frustrating for you on so many levels. And, when I read your words, "how do you stop your spouse from putting you in the poorer house..." I wonder about something. What makes you think you have to make him stop? Only my perspective here of course, but why are you tolerating this? What would it be like if you just let him continue to do his thing without you? What would happen if he just decided to keep doing what he's doing? Sounds like some counseling would be helpful, if not for both of you, certainly for yourself. I wish you much abundance and freedom from the shackles of this chain that seems to be dragging around your feet. You keep saying "we have to live in the now" but what does that mean for you if your "now" is always centred around fear and scarcity? Acknowledge that this is something YOU want to see change and work from that place. To your success. Living la vida fearless, Jan

Sometimes people can be so childish and irresponsible...especially spouses.

I went thru this several yrs ago with mine, he's always said that what he worked for was his, and when I work, I could then say what's mine..anywho......I had this idea that we keep separate accounts; checking and savings. I am thriving and as always he's defaunct in his account. When a person thinks he/she is so smart, let them find out for themselves that 2 heads are better than one! Give him the opportunity to keep a separate account, and see how well he actually does.

If all else fails......leave him! Because you can do bad by yourself! Possibly better with some assistance from family and other agencies.

Wow that is a hard one but one must ask how is your husband digging deeper and deeper and is there anyway to let somethings go that can take away from the paying out? I know how it is to live paycheck to paycheck we do it every week I am not sure that there are many that dont' live paycheck to paycheck. Do really have any results but it always helps to talk it out. My husband and I desided before we got married that money would be the one thing that we would never argue or fight about and so far 17 years together 15 married we have lived up to that. If you don't have it you don't have it but you try and make it so the money you do have helps you to make it in the here and now. Yes alot/most times the money makes it all better but think about it is it the money that brought you two together or was it the love. I put it this way what monies we do have we have and we make together we don't have seperate accounts although there are many who swear that you should but we believe in what is yours is mine and what is mine is his.. This way of life helps our marriage. Again I don't have the answers but I do know what we are experiencing and I know what is working for us. Yes it is stressful alot of times but we deal with it together......

Greetings from tialuvvu reaching out for help in desparate times allows you to process feeling and find solutions!!!