Well you got what you wanted? Like they say "If you are going to dance then you have to pay the piper!!" Well now you are going to pay! An affair is never the way to go. You may never get back the love and trust that you threw away.

felsm21,

Many lonely people go in opposite directions when they are unhappy with their lives. What has happened to you is unfortunate. I would first get myself treated and then seek counselings. You will hear the word counseling repetively on these boards.

It is not used lightly. It is a tool to guide and heal. The outcome to your marriage will depend on the acceptance of your H and his emotions. Most important is for you to enter a program to gain control of your inner self. At this time your H is hurt. Would he be willing to go to a marriage counselor? The only way to heal your marriage is with a third party advisor and that is a professional counselor.

I suggest you to continue to use this board and expressing yourself. There are many wise compassionate posters. Many of us have made mistakes in our lives. If not themselves, their spouses. We are not here to throw stones. Most of us are here to listen with compassion. I have been through many years of ups and downs in my life and have the utmost compassion for you. Focus on yourself and seek counseling. Take care of yourself.

mdbsmith,

After reading your post I thought that you might be having a bad day. We all come to these boards with a compassionate heart. All are welcome to post a discussion and express our utmost pain asking openly for advise. There is never a reason to say unkind words putting our heart on the line. No disrespect intended, I only post not wanted to shun anyone from these boards. Thank you all for allowing my words.

Unfortunently this married man lured you in with his charm and flowers, just to get what he wanted. Seriously though, Ashley Madison is a site geared for MARRIED people wanting to have discrete AFFAIRS, and not a relationship site like e harmony. Anyone you meet on there is paying the fee for just that purpose. You messed up big time and unfortunetly now have an STD because of it. I assume you are making getting treated for this a prority. But you have to look at this from you H point of view. Not only did you sleep with another man, but you had unprotected sex and got a STD from him. That is going to be a awful hard thing to get over and forgive on your H part. I suspect since you suggested this idea of cheating to your H that he may have thought you said that out of anger and would not really go thru with it. Your H is very angry right now and is not willing to forgive you at this point. I would recommend marriage counseling and being an open book to him. Give him access to your cell phone and e mail account (s) at all times. That may help him see that you at least are not trying to hide anything from him anymore.

mdbsmith:

I have seen your posts before on this board and your replies usually include a lot of anger. I know you have been through a lot given some of the things you have shared. Many people on these boards have also been through a lot of anger and sorrow being on one side of the fence of infedelity. Why don't you share a little bit more about yourself ? I think the poster knows she has created a big mess. One which she may not get her marraige back. Most importantly she needs and WANTS to get her life on track......and is looking for support. I'm sure your experience shared in friendship and love may be able to help her.............as we have all assisted one another while on this board.

mdbsmith, are you still angry about the infedlity ? Did you reconcile with your wife? Did you get any help to deal with your anger? Is there anything you have learned that you might want to share?

felsm71:

Sounds like you have learned some lessons the hard way...........experience! You have received some great advice from menosaint. I also believe you should get some help for yourself. First and foremost you have to figure out why you did this! I'm not sure your marriage can be saved or not but please do get help for yourself. Your husband will also need to get help ..............he may or may not be willing to get counselling with you at this time............but don't give up on your marriage. Continue to show him from one day to the next that you are fighting for this marriage ! Be transparent in your life. No secrets, no passwords on phones, computers etc. Let him see by the little things you do that you mean business.

Good luck!

Hi Felsm,

I sense that you haven't figured out what you want to do yet.....I know you asked for forgiveness and I know his angry reply to you, yet I also sense that you don't completely grasp the severe pain and overpowering grief your husband is in...did he just find out? You say he is religious but I would guess that is not the reason why he is feeling betrayal....if two married people love each other and infidelity is discovered...it is an unbelievable shock...it has the ability to completely change the betrayed one...it tears away everything in their life in one terrible moment....I am certain that your husband is feeling this and can't even understand it at this point...it carries such a deep emotional takeover of the betrayed's life....thinking isn't being done here because he is too hurt and angry to remember how to think......what you do or how loving you can be, genuinely, this is not the time for being dishonest or saying what you think he wants to hear if you don't feel it....this is the time to lay your relationship on the line and let him know whether you love him or not....if you aren't sure then say so...going to counseling with him will help you both to talk in a more rational way without the volatility of arguing or disagreeing without a therapist.

Do you want to be with your husband? I don't get a clear sense of it in your post.

~open

Hi Menosaint,

Your words convey compassionate for Felsm....good work!...I do have a question about one thing you said because I want to hear more and can't quite understand what you mean in that one sentence.....in the middle paragraph you wrote, "Most important is for you to enter a program to gain control of your inner self." Could you give an example of what you mean...for some reason I can't figure out what you mean there.

As far as Mdbsmith...he has been here longer than many and usually answers in brief statements....when he takes the time to write with more detail his compassion is very evident....I think he is like a lot of men in that their ideas can be short and to the point ....and maybe with a sprinkling of sarcasm thrown in to challenge us....

Yes! I should have had more compassion here with her situation. There is one thing here that is a very big fact and she needs to be tested for HIV ASP!! This animal that she was spending time with had no consideration for her and her health at all. She has had unprotected sex and if her and her husband have had sex then she may have infected him and he also needs to be tested for HIV ASP!! It is a shame that she has gotten into this mess but that is what happens when we don't stop and think before we act! If she has infected her husband with gonorrhea then I have a felling that she may never be able to undo what she has done and he will never come back to her.

felsm71

I never heard about the AM site until now. I guess it's where the 'lonely' and 'confused' go.

Perhaps you were in a lonely and confused state yourself when you entered that site? And you were seeking that 'romantic high' to alleviate those symptoms. As you have now discovered the hard way , AM provided a 'illusion', nothing else.

But the good news is that the 'illusion' has now been shatterred. Reality may hurt but acknowledgeing your reality is one step closer to gaining self-awakening. 'Illusion', on the other hand serves no other purpose other than to prevent you from experiencing self-awakening.

The other posters have provided you with good feedback re your question ....... 'Where can I go from here?'

felsm71, I wish you all the best on your journey.

open4now, I'm sorry it took so long for me to answer your question. I am mainly on the Spirit & Religion & Abuse boards. What I meant by "enter a program to gain control of your inner self" was in referral to the suggesting of counseling. I apologize for not making it clear. Above all I should have not assumed everyone would have understood. Thank you for asking,

As far as Mdbsmith. I haven't read but only a few of his replies. I take every reply as a first on a thread. When a discussion starts, we have to realize it can be the first time a poster is one the boards. We do not assume and should not assume they have been here a long time. Every discussion should be taken as a separate entity. There are repetitive postings of others. It makes no difference to me but, it can be a first time for the discussion poster.

I also do not go by the number of stars. Many poster are here for help and to me our paths are difficult enough. My heart cries for those that have wandered off. To human is too err. I have read on these boards how many have forgiven their spouses and made amends. This lady has come to us for help with a true heart. We are not here to push away. We are here to listen to her aching heart and post with words wisely chosen through compassion as our life is blessed to have endured many pains. I welcome any knowledge as I feel it is a gift to be able to lend an open ear through love and not harsh words.

Thank you again, I am so sorry for sounding as though I am standing on a soap box. I send you all blessings,

.

Sorry All. Quick question, probably frivolous but I'm interested. Only because Menosaint briefly brought it up.

What do the 'stars' under our names mean anyway? I'm assuming the stars represent the amount of postings one has forwarded?

huntbon23, It has to do with the amount of postings and discussions one posts. I read Harpobears answer as many have asked. Perhaps Harpobear will give an exact answer.

Thanks Menosaint. I was just curious about it.

Yes, I believe the stars have to do with the amount of time one has been posting. I do take heed to the number of stars. I believe it indicates weather someone is fairly new or not. If I haven't seen them post before and they have a number of stars I like to see what forums they are normally on and where they are coming from (in life, through their topics of posts, you can often get their "story"). I enjoy seeing the journey various people have gone through and the choices they have made as well as where they are now and the advice they give others.