I'm 23 and I'm totally for marriage. Though I think it's something I could live without (as I could live without a man), I would really like to get married to that Mr. Right once I find him.. I wouldnt live in the same house with someone I'm not married to, I'm not sure why, it just doesnt seem right to me.. & I'm totally for taking my husband's last name..

As for what you mentioned about divorce, I think first marriages fail because people go into marriages with false expectations, thinking that it will be the solution to what didnt work in the relationship before they got married.. which is, as i think u already know, totally false..

Dee:x

I am old school, too, and love being married.

Once upon a time there was something called "hooking up." Nowadays we have something called "speed dating." Sad to say, relationships are a dime a dozen, but I do not believe they should be called relationships. People who get together with one another just to have sex are immediately disqualified from having a real relationship in my book . I find it sad that some people think it is more important about how many people one has sex with in their lifetimes, than having a REAL relationship. The very highly respected actor Ron Masak said that a real man is not one who brags about having sex with a million different women with a la Michael Jordan, but rather, a real man is one who brags about making love to his wife a million times. Well it certainly isn't one spreading every STD known to the human race.

But so long as both parties are willing to put work into the relationship and not have the Entitlements attitude of "What can he/she do for me/give me?" they will get somewhere in the way of a real relationship.

Thanks for the replies.

What I was wondering, do women really want to be married, but seeing as the men do not ask or they hesitate, they simply move in together so as not to lose out?

Relationships are tricky and so I guess one has to tread carefully around the committment issue, but at the end of the day there is nothing to beat a happy marriage withough question marks looming over the relationship.

I am concerned however these days that so much materialism is attached to getting married that it puts couples off taking the big step.

I can't speak for all women - I think some do, but are afraid they may wind up playing Mommy to their husbands, doing all of the cooking, cleaning, child-rearing, and not having a relationship at all. People who are stuck in that routine do not have a relationship. Oh, they may have a little piece of paper saying they are married, but that piece of paper does not a relationship make.

The phrase "women benefit from marriage, but men benefit from living in" is very true. In live-in relationships, the female loses out: she still has to do all of the cooking, cleaning, have a full time job if the guy does not work at all, and take care of the child, if they are sexually active. The guy does nothing but sit around all day watching Maury Povitch on tv. Then there is the probolem of "living in" but dating people on the outside and trust me, many live-ins do - which can cause all kinds of problems.

In short, people do not know what an exclusive relationship is. I think it should be harder for people to get married, just so they can't have leeway of abusing their wedding vows.

As for materialism, I have only seen that confined to couples who get married for all of the wrong reasons: for public show. Oh, one does not need to love the partner or even care about him or her if one has a half million in petty cash to throw away on a lavish wedding. Surprisingly, with the way the economy is, a lot of people do.

My husband and I did not have a "traditional" wedding, we had a JP and that was it. We even had our own private vows apart from the regular vows spoken. To me, a smaller, more meaningful wedding is what counts, not some lavish public show where the couple starts thinking about divorce one day later.

I too cannot speak for all women. I do feel however that this is a subject that is sidelined and much maligned too. I totally agree with your third paragraph. Marriages need to be earned.

Dating usually leads to a more exclusive relationship and a commitment. Perhaps dating is taken too lightly and then the whole situation becomes complicated when one partner expects more.

As for the cooking and cleaning, it is after all supposed to be a part of a nurturing relationship, wherein eventually procreation takes place in a loving environment.

Marriage should not be taken lightly, however dating without any real purpose is going against our fundamental reasons for being alive lol.

We are programmed in a certain way and spend our lives not getting it right. Of course without true love marriages fail. When we get it right there is nothing to match.

I'm 29 years old and I don't want to get married. Ever. I liked Mary's comments about becoming man's mommy. I am not going to be someone's mom (I don't even want kids). I like my independence and freedom. Also, I have an issue about marraige in this country. It's not equal for everyone. Until it is, I won't even consider getting married.

So yes, I am a woman who doesn't want a husband ro kids. Needless to say, I get a lot of comments, lol.

I am happy that you know what you want , good for you. Arent you afraid to be alone for the rest of your life?

Never. I never get lonely. I actually like being alone and I do a lot of stuff by myself. I go to movies, go out to eat go on trips, go shopping, ect. For me, it's important to be independent. If someone comes into my life, fine. If not, then I'm fine with that too.

"Never. I never get lonely. I actually like being alone and I do a lot
of stuff by myself. I go to movies, go out to eat go on trips, go
shopping, ect.

For me, it's important to be independent. If someone comes into my life, fine. If not, then I'm fine with that too. "

I respect your attitude regarding independence. I think maybe too many people are afraid of being alone. Hey, once upon a time I was like that. So long as you are happy and comfortable with your life, that is what counts.

I totally understand. My question is however not about do you like being lonely, more along the lines do you believe the concept of marriage is outdated?

Do the girls prefer not to be married and the guys are having fun, because it is no longer on the list of priorities to get hitched. Do men prefer to not ask the question for fear of being rebuffed and girls don't need the trouble....???

Judging by the lack of answers, it appears to be a touchy subject; best left alone like marriages, lol.

Needs updating -

With close to 60% being a 5 year and end in dovorce deal, with close to 70% of second marriages ending in divorce - the whole marriage thing needs updating.
Personally I meet 1 or 2 woman a year that IMO that are well rounded enough to make a good life long partner. That is not saying I see these woman as someone I would want to marry or be in a relationship with - just that they are well rounded enough to be a good life long partner.

There will be a pre-nuptial if I get married. Missing the crossing of a "T's" or the dotting an "I" and ending up in some protracted huge fight with a soon to be ex and her lawyers.

Living the way I want even if it does not attract woman. They are not worth it.

I think it really depends on the person.

Do I think marriage is outdated? In a way. Like I said in a previous post, it's not something that we extend to everyone. But I also know that a lot of people still strongly believe in the institution of marraige. Again, I think it depends on ther person.

And I would say that most of the women I know want to get married, although not for all the right reasons. They just want "their wedding day". But that conversation is best save for another topic.

I am wondering why you feel that women are not worth it. Have you experienced a broken heart or this is based on bad experiences with women in general. Do you like people full stop? I must say in defence, I am not a people person that much myself. But my better half understands me like no other and for that reason I am thankful to be married.

Some of the best people out there are in stable marriage relationships and that makes them a target for unmarried people, who want to get what they have. I feel if one is married too early there will be a time when temptation beckons, but a good partnership can ride that storm too. Marriage is not for the faint hearted, as the dynamics of the partnership change as we get older. That is no reason for the bond to weaken if the fundamentals were sound in the beginning, ie marrying for love and not for the sake of being married.

A really strong marriage is the only kind of marriage to strive for and there should be no compromise in making the right choice for all the right reasons.

Freedom from choices made through duty and societal expectations is the right way forward, I just feel that not getting married because it is outdated can be losing out on a whole lot of happiness and contentment.

I don't believe marriage is outdated at all. I can see why women keep their own surname part of the time as well. Sometimes you are so established in your career and known by your name that it is prudent to keep it in the business setting. I would expect to be introduced in social settings as Mrs. "his last name", but in business settings as Mrs. "my last name". Remember, in the business world, men do not have this issue to deal with when they marry.

I would prefer to marry a man, not live with him. I believe that if you feel strong enough about a relationship to take it to the level of living under the same roof, you should be ready to take the step of making it "official". If you are afraid of marriage, then you are afraid of commitment. Society in general tends to "dumb" people down in so many aspects. Personally I don't subscribe to accepting the lowest common denominator.

That said, sometimes I feel I am in the minority. Most of my friends would sooner live with a man (or woman) than marry them. They want the trial run. Doesn't sound like a strong relationship foundation to me!

Sure, tough times can come to any relationship.. Financial, health, family.......But there is a saying: Anything worth while is worth waiting and working for!

Thank you for your reply. I must confess that my nearly 22 year old daughter has left home and town to live with her boyfriend of four months. They are very happy and willing to work hard at making a life together. Of course I want every possible happiness for my daughter and her partner, but a part of me is struggling with the issue of it all being too soon. I feel that to say that it feels disrepectful makes me a terrible parent. There has been no sealing of the relationship or any promises that this will happen any time soon. They are living with his relatives, and I am not sure how they feel about this arrangement either. I am still paying some of her bills she left behind.

AllI do know is that marriage has worked for me, we'll just have to see how this relationship set-up in the next generation works for her. I secretly believe there will be no proposal any time soon.